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05-03-04, 08:44 PM | #1 | |||||||
New to RB
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A mistake to death
IP: B780 B0B7
So young,who would of thought things could of happened this way,
Breathing so fast,my fingers stunned with nothing to say, Blood rushing through my fingers,my heart pounding like drums, So frightened all i wanted to do was run-but couldn't Myself,my eyes,my hands,and worst of all my heart, Felt the instant body of death split me apart, ALL the people in the world it just had to be me, To feel the death of my sister and i knew it couldn't be Two bullets to the chest no more words to be said, Blank signs of nothing filled the inside of my head The closets 1 sister gone out of 22 To have her soft touch back boy what wouldn't i do All i could think all i could say was revenge and i wanted it bad But so many problems since then it leaves me sad, How the fuck How the hell could someone kill a person so inasent I found out who the bullet was supposed to hit--me |
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05-03-04, 09:16 PM | #2 | ||||
yawn
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IP: 06D4 9403
innocent*... But its a good poem.. If this is true, it is a very emotional and deep topic and was explained pretty good. Your rhyming went off ont he 3 and 4 line. But besides that nice poem. No favorite lines... it was good all teh same.
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05-04-04, 05:55 PM | #3 | |||||||
New to RB
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IP: A3C6 8ED7
A yo thanks,appreciate it
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05-04-04, 08:49 PM | #4 | ||||||
Flyweight
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IP: 75F5 BDD1
Its a poem.... can't criticize on rhythym. not a rap.
Poems are whatever evokes emotion. and DAMN this stuff pulled it out of me like a 10000 megawatt DS beam.
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--- stay in school |
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05-04-04, 09:23 PM | #5 | |||||||
New to RB
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IP: 3A34 F752
Thanks
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06-23-04, 02:39 AM | #6 | |||||||
Banned: Cheating
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IP: EC0B 84C7
damn, now that poem is hot i could really fell the characters pain i like it
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