shit this is old, but I thought i'd post it up anyway, gimme some feedback please, I wanna know what yall think of this shit


There is a little substance, they call it Mary Jane,
Whatever name you call it, you still smoking the same,
But the amount we smoke the shit is almost nearly insane
Surrounded by smoke so much, that’s become our name
We never really noticed, too stoned off our brain,
But when the high times left us, we got it through pain,
Smoke in our lungs so much, the joints like a crane,
Pulls the bad shit out, and gets us high again,
Do anything for weed, we’ll even rob a train,
Be on the 9pm news, unlike others not the same,
Goin that far for drugs, gotta be addicted,
Fuck it, pass the rizla, my turn to skin shit,
I got a fat one rolled now, time to get it blitzted,
See that’s my new word, cos with piggys won’t risk it,
I’m not getting jailed this young just over contraband,
The only way I’ll ever go down, is if I kill a man,
But the chance of that happenin, in this truly stoned state,
Is round the same as horsforth school takin down that green gate,
Speakin of Green, I think it’s time for my next hit,
Slow the beat down, pass the blunt lets spark it

feedback anyone, come its like my first-iah post whats goin on

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yeh, feedback would be nice come on dont sleep on my first open mic

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he he cool drop shit 9/10

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Lyrical Materminds

BigBootyChick

My raps plain raw like a chain saw cut wood kick butts good
In corrupt hoods, step to timber in September all sluts should
Duck this. Proper protection critical, doctor’s direction pivotal
Medicine prescribed like Thomas Edison survived my physical
Inventions such as light bulbs I write thug

lovely man, jus lovely, please drop some feedback yo, come on!!!

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it was not that good for the most part 4/10 ok elavate add some better vocab

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Sup Boi

yeh ok................................

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yo ya rap is tight but weed is stupid, who would want to do a drug that is a downer

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how is weed a downer, that shit rules man, anyway thanks for the feedback, and uppin for more!!

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YO
number 1 - weed aint stupid, if u dont like it why the fuck u in this thread?

2 - all these muhfuckas sayin " u need to elevate " BITCH how the FUCKKKKKK do u kno????? u aint no fuckin producer, u dont run no fuckin record company! rap how u rap, u rap gangsta, be gangsta, u rock a shit load of metaphors n all that, then do that, look at three 6, platinum muthafuckin rappers, and they dont fuckin go all crazy style wit metaphors n shit like wu tang n shit, so bottem line is, spit what u want, how u want, and all these cats sayin elevate, unless u a fuckin ceo or some shit shut the fuck up!!!!!


....there but yee keep it pimpin wit the weed songs, thas good keep it flowin.......holla

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for all these niggas that say i cant rap, nigga i dont rap any way, i ROBBBBB
-crunchy blac(three 6 mafia)


i get high like the birds and the planes, i get high when bullets hit faces after words are exchanged
-styles p(the lox)

u betta tell yo man wit the gauges im nice, i'll shoot up yo white shirts till yall look like dice
-I 20

thanks I guess, I'll take it as a compliment. but yeh bit of feedback, like actual feedback

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yo dat shit was str8 dawg nice piece

There is a little substance, they call it Mary Jane,
Whatever name you call it, you still smoking the same,
^decent line ok intro
But the amount we smoke the shit is almost nearly insane
Surrounded by smoke so much, that’s become our name
^1st line iffy...2nd last part was'nt 2 good..
We never really noticed, too stoned off our brain,
But when the high times left us, we got it through pain,
^was'nt feeling it"worded badly but nice idea
Smoke in our lungs so much, the joints like a crane,
Pulls the bad shit out, and gets us high again,
^^ok..crane??dint get it
Do anything for weed, we’ll even rob a train,
Be on the 9pm news, unlike others not the same,
^ok...2nd line could've been better
Goin that far for drugs, gotta be addicted,
Fuck it, pass the rizla, my turn to skin shit,
^koo line liked it..1 of the best in the piece
I got a fat one rolled now, time to get it blitzted,
See that’s my new word, cos with piggys won’t risk it,
^ok kinda throws ya off flow with ya new word
I’m not getting jailed this young just over contraband,
The only way I’ll ever go down, is if I kill a man,
^to much explain ing "repeated the point"
But the chance of that happenin, in this truly stoned state,
Is round the same as horsforth school takin down that green gate,
^dunno bout "horsforth..but decent
Speakin of Green, I think it’s time for my next hit,
Slow the beat down, pass the blunt lets spark it
^endin was koo..bit short but still good..


overall not bad try n even out your structure it'll help ya syllable count dint find it was great for meta's or wordplay might wanna try some of those ,it makes for a more enjoyable n more complex read....less predictable"1 line i would've changed for sure was this 1

We never really noticed, too stoned off our brain,
But when the high times left us, we got it through pain,

maybe like this:::.......

too stoned off the brain thoughts jumpin out n not gettin noticed,
it was pain when high times left us cause our clarity was unfocused,

i dunno something like that^^^^

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left...2 many herbs