ok......a lil helpful criticism here

it was a lil boring to read......you should learn to put some multis in your verse....it would make it better.....up your vocab some....you rhymed rather non complex words in this verse....example:feet, deep......side, eyes....trust, dust......
overall it wasnt a bad concept....just take this same concept and rewrite it while tryin to use multis, and better vocabulary....just practice these things and it will come to you more easy every time you try to write.......just keep elevating.....4/10

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