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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
01-21-05, 11:38 AM
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#1
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Life is a Constant Battle
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First Snow
IP: BBF6 96EE
yo just dropped a tryout n they liked it see what yall think...plz read n post some feed its topical
Intro so cold in city of duluth, whether tells the truth at -30 degrees so hard to heat da roof, whether frost bite or watch water freeze wind chill makes frozen hell, people wait for snow while frozen jail last snow we saw had hail, liquor couldnt protect u from icy hail. snow i walk out the house winds stop, drop the linen to see white drop Hits ground covers every top, to see kids grab sleds go in like hop Weightless, tasteless, some kid hits his friend in the braces Shapeless, wasteless, footprints show snow-angels traces I step in the snow sounds like pop corn, cars crash like tires worn hills turn to mountains with white caps born, leaving once home look quite foreign... Grab snow it forms like water re born, craters represent land torn from thrown... I get to the car its a mini igloo, i walk up kick brown shit off wheel well Car looks real clean tho, dirt came off with snow easy like aquafino car warms up oh so slow, have to rev the engine or da nova wont go iceall over the glass like underwater, hit glass shatters ice or melt slow look at the house frost made n icle design, look back remember fallin on ice n cryin... ten stitches and happened when runnin, best wishes and got a flower pot stunnin... Blood parted snow like moses of tundra, blood hit soil to return to the father Redness, dotted the train to wonder, peed in snow there couldnt go farther Made a snow man no hat or gloves, we werent dumb like other powder puffs Snow melted to weight with no love, your hands froze like wool wasnt enough Ran inside for a hot coco mug, a bowl of soup ready, gloves off n warmin up outro Tucked in for bed thinkin of goin to rink, lookin outside darkness shows banks The day went by so fast couldnt think, lookin see stars reflect off the banks Winter means death in poems, but i sit there wonderin this is peaceful i think
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B.Wall   O.G. 
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01-21-05, 12:09 PM
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#2
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Life is a Constant Battle
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heres a critique
IP: BBF6 96EE
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B.Wall O.G.
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01-21-05, 12:13 PM
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#3
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Knock out kings fur life
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IP: EA19 CE95
I think it was pretty good but the flow was on and off with me but I liked the imagry but try to work on the vocab more but overall str8.
6/10 |
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