yes, i see how it is an english paper, i will post more later....

__________________

yeah, this would be good for an english paper, but not a rap, word, just didn't have the flow....it was decent, but didn't have that nice consistency.....but i can see how it was a school paper, it was pretty good, but i dont think it had as much imagery as your other pieces, had a pack load of emotion though. amd overall, it was decent, your other one was bette,r keep up dog

__________________

hehe, it's supposed to be a rap, it's a poem man... and like half of the poem did have nice flow complimented by the multi's, but ya the other lines were strecthed, wich hurt my flow

Wow, I can really learn alot from you man. keep this shit coming. Normally I can do like, two things at once. But I told everyone on AIM to brb cuz i had to pay att: to this.

Keep this up. Mad props.

sweft

__________________
<img src="http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y103/sweft/tc46tg.jpg" alt="Image hosted by Photobucket.com"> <BR>
<img src="http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y103/sweft/joseph7qs.gif" alt="Image hosted by Photobucket.com">

vocab n imagery was pretty feirce in this fam
im impressed, you need to drop more om's like this...
this was defiately the best of read from you thus far bro..
although the lines n ryhme scheme was a lil off, everything
else made up for it
..well done

__________________

i'll play on ya consience, ya contents is complete nonsense
speak of biting, then you fucks flip everyone of my damn concepts
what the fuck, was you high..?
did you think i wouldn't recognize lines that i made
then you come up some bullshit tryna prove that im gay...!
.
.
fake fucks..move on...!

Just to let you know im here, ima check up on this shit tomorrow. I'm bout to leave. I'll leave feedback on this.

~1~

Don't peep this one, peep Journey To The Abyss, or peep all 3 in my sig if you'd like lol

ur use of vocab is nice...ur use of imagery is good...but u don't tie all these things into a clear message within the piece...therefore, it comes off as if you're just saying things to rhyme or floss your vocab


deep-ish though


1

hehe, I like Q's feed, nice shit thanks, upping once more....

Nice crisp clean peice Good work.

__________________
...THE SOULAR POWERED REGULATOR...


...CALIFORNIA GOLDEN BEAR...

yeah thats shit was raw i like what you had to say it got me thinking about shit that i haven't thought about before nice

Wow.. once again a very dope verse.. yea u were right your structure was off but its cool.. cuz this is sorta like a poem.. Your vocabulary was really on point.. but wow.. some words u used i didn't even know. u made me look it up lol... And your emotion.. i really couldn't feel any, iono if its jst me.. but i couldn't feel any.. i couldn't feel what you feel you know??? so work on that.. but wut really got to me is ur imagery again.. your vocab helped you on this.. i could really see the world crashing into its ruins.. so nice job on that man...

8/10

__________________

It's not sorta like a poem, it is a poem, lol, but ya I was just writing it for english class, that's why there isn't any emotion, cuz I didn't put any into it when I was writing lol, I just wrote this as a piece to mostly show off my vocab but it ended up dope, so ya I dropped it here, first time I ever wrote a poem where every line had it's own secret metaphorical meanings behind them lol.....

da da da da dope... nice shit again fam... uppin for you

__________________

.............................. bump