topic and content was nice..your concepts were nice but structure and rhyme scheme were off..your vocabulary seemed forced..its nothing of serious problems tho, you have potential and im sure if you keep working you`ll develop the what your lacking..try counting your syllables and dont let them go too far apart..for instance you dont want one line having 20 syllables then the next only having 8..


return the favor..
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=184554
Pz.


and


im always down for a collab..

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