Yo im the best wit dis aint no testin dis
i lay you down on the ground like fresh cement
yea its king mos' artist cant stand me tho'
cuz i stay pumped up like amoco
da hottest flos drop out of my mouth like saliva
think u can compete wit me please don't even bother
cuz i'm hotta den saunas bring drama to places
merk u wit a verse so bad people will ask where yo face went
got a heart dats dark like basements naw i'm jus kiddin
but if you want some i'll come fo you like jason
its no debatin so just watch yo mouth kid
cause i'll shut you down like abadoned houses
so please stop runnin round poppin dat noise
cuz heavyhittaz and triple t will thro shots at ya boyz
jus block yo boyz unless you want em to get hurt
cuz afta dat ya'll have ya'll meetings 6 ft in the dirt

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Da King is here bitches.
Bow down.

Wuddup homie?? Hot shit fam...I see you changed it a little bit at the end, but I like it...Good shit dawg

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Short. It's okay to write something short for an OM every once in a while, but you'll see a better improvement in your writing if you try to consistently write longer verses.
Overall I think you showed a basic foundation to build on. You understood the use of similies and metas, and had decent flow. I think the biggest things you need to work on are your structure and mixing up your vocabulary. Don't try to force your creativity in your punches or sims, that will just improve with every verse you drop. Keep your punches simple, yet original and you'll be just fine. Stay up.

feedback
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=190090

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Uppin this shit for Da King...

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