Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio |
06-21-05, 03:27 PM | #2 | ||
Light Weight
|
IP:
..Wow, that was deep fam. I never lost interest. The structure was on point and the vocab wasn´t bad.
These lines stand out to me: "She caresses my palms, at this point; my heart embraces.. ..An impact of depression, or a subtle stroke of warmth.. But a feeling snatches back her conclusion as if to say.." That was good imagary there. It was like I was feeling your emotion pooring out while peeking through a corner near by. And I love how you ended this piece. "I'm alone, tormented by those tears she has dispersed.. & haunted...Haunted by that last image of her departure.. Out the gloomy doorframe, & proceeding out of my life.." "proceeding out of my life.." wow, seem´s like youre character move´s on fast.. Or want´s to hide the sorrow.. Needless to say I have been out for a minute and this was my first poem I gave feedback and really enjoyed it through. Keep em´comin´. Sweft
__________________
<img src="http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y103/sweft/tc46tg.jpg" alt="Image hosted by Photobucket.com"> <BR> <img src="http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y103/sweft/joseph7qs.gif" alt="Image hosted by Photobucket.com"> |
||
Thread Tools | Search this Thread |
Display Modes | |
|
|