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Old 06-21-05, 03:27 PM   #2
Sweft
Light Weight
 
Posts: 308
From: America
IP:

..Wow, that was deep fam. I never lost interest. The structure was on point and the vocab wasn´t bad.
These lines stand out to me:

"She caresses my palms, at this point; my heart embraces..
..An impact of depression, or a subtle stroke of warmth..
But a feeling snatches back her conclusion as if to say.."

That was good imagary there. It was like I was feeling your emotion pooring out while peeking through a corner near by.

And I love how you ended this piece.
"I'm alone, tormented by those tears she has dispersed..
& haunted...Haunted by that last image of her departure..
Out the gloomy doorframe, & proceeding out of my life.."

"proceeding out of my life.." wow, seem´s like youre character move´s on fast.. Or want´s to hide the sorrow..

Needless to say I have been out for a minute and this was my first poem I gave feedback and really enjoyed it through.
Keep em´comin´.

Sweft
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