yeah, i didn't like the first verse very much, wasn't really accurate, i think, you weren't really specific with your lines in altering the story...on the other hand, the secnod verse had some great emotion, it was put together nicely mainly because you weren't trying to force inners, i got into it, you're getting better, but still need to work on staying totally focused on the topic, make every line contribute, don't waste a single one! but good, the hook was cool too ,probly be better in audio, keep up

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