For your first, very well done. It was kind of off, how one verse would rhyme completely, while the next would not. I like the word usage, they paint a picture while telling the story at the same time. You definitly have potential. This poem reminds me of things I have from back in the day.

Favorite part:



If all the verses were strong like this one it would get a 10/10. I'll kindly give you a 7/10.

Check out my stuff I'll be dropping. I'm new here but not new to writing whatsoever. I love feedback.