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06-29-06, 11:08 PM | #1 | ||||||
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This is How my Girlfriend's Friend Got Pregnant
IP: CF74 5D3A
This is How my Girlfriend's Friend Got Pregnant
Wrench my body heat is like hot chocolate and like The stock market it rise and fall when my thighs all open the hype Is real with boys, don.t deal in toys for sex and my body ripe Like yellow peaches, boys say my juicy coo-chee is absolute Like fruit loops in a bowl I’m just milk in silk and cute Wan na be a lady in marriage before pushing a baby carriage Crazy savage will get me pregnant and leave me a average Single mother then girls will talk behind my bac call me Blind and whack for having sex and not grabbing a free Kotex from my purse boo, so Wrench one of my friends Got pregnant in December right? She remember the night He was jest going crazy and the juice was flowing like Gravy knowing a baby was cumming in nine months Oh jest wet the sheets just skeet skeet juice the bed jumps It started when he rubbed her feet on the love seat Thug beat on the CD shook her candies like club heat Took off her panties went down town to hound around Licked her thighs stuck his tongue quick in her pies so renowned Oh she just screamed and creamed fondle her own breast Was wearing a long dress it was a strong test at home blessed Now naked she couldn’t fake it his tongue was so deep |
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06-30-06, 12:33 AM | #2 | ||||||
Whys That?
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IP: 5285 DC82
structure is a mess.
you force your multis. and yeh, its wack. |
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06-30-06, 12:49 AM | #3 | |||
The Rise
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IP: AEB3 C728
rofl...holy shit this was funny but stupid n wack
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06-30-06, 01:07 AM | #4 | ||||||
Light Weight
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IP: CF74 5D3A
Lets Get Something Straight Whack Means Unusual And To You Two Suppose To Be Smart Cats Whom Know Nothing About Reality (what Is Whack About A Girl Getting Pregnant? Ha! Ha! Ha1 Lets Be Real) But Thanks For Responding To This Doe
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06-30-06, 02:23 PM | #5 | ||||
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IP: 5904 E9D2
Drop two links with ADEQUATE feedback
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The Competition
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06-30-06, 03:59 PM | #6 | ||||||
Light Weight
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IP: CF74 5D3A
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07-01-06, 06:32 PM | #7 | |||||
New to RV
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IP: E9D8 F4A6
This Shit Wasnt That Bad, Fuck What Them Dudes Was Sayin... It Seems Like You Got A Fast Flow That Dont Pause Alot, I Was Readin It Without A Pause After Every Line And It Seemed Like It Flowed Fine, The Way It Was Typed Up Just May Confuse Some Amatures. And I Didnt Know If This Was Suppost To Depict The Pain And Struggle A Pregnant Teen Goes Through Or If It Was Just A Muhfucken Penthouse Letter About A Slut. But It Was Straight Keep Doin Ya Thing.
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Last edited by XpLiCiT187 : 07-01-06 at 06:35 PM. |
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07-06-06, 07:21 AM | #8 | ||||||
Light Weight
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IP: CF74 5D3A
XpLiCiT187 tank for the honesty for real appreciate that and the props
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07-09-06, 03:58 AM | #9 | ||||||
Light Weight
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IP: CF74 5D3A
During sex I’m protected by a rubber, got rejected by my lover
Now can’t git none end up a legit bum begging for some, discovered My motive was to kiss her lips while she twist her hips // In class listening was a swell tool some got expelled from school For fighting after some bazaar writing became and infidel or fool Fake domes can’t stem or perk I shaped and trim homework With an ax, my brain hangs loosely like an empty bag strong jerk Simply hag doing the wrong work, now my dumb butt on streets Need come up and speak to cats about life, bow my head and weeps Use the juice from college to try and produce knowledge put an end To loose garbage, this is all flames but like ball games it can be postponed So I must host strong lyrics and battle strong spirits try roast homes With the heat of love tired of being a deadbeat thug traveling alone |
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07-09-06, 04:33 PM | #10 | |||||||
Nt Your Average
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IP: CC0F A674
Lmfao......i remember you...haha you still suck duke
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OYD MAFIA
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07-18-06, 02:50 AM | #11 | |||||||
New to RV
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IP: 36FB 8810
This wasn't great there were amusing parts in it that kept my attention for a while but as an overall piece it lacks in imagery sicamore multies and basically is at a novie stage, try delving into more complex topics and somehitng that hasn't been done before or flip a topic and write it...W/e though, Stay up
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07-18-06, 11:37 AM | #12 | ||||||
Light Weight
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IP: CF74 5D3A
Pakaveli there you go again just name anyone off or on the net who has flipped that topic look kid your problem is you try and look down when the fucking truth is before your face
but i do appreciate you responding and this is complex just let me see you write in this format |
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07-18-06, 04:28 PM | #13 | ||||||||
New to RV
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IP: 36FB 8810
Quote:
I never look dpown on anyones work na mean..i want you to drop something that will make me go Damn na eman...G/L for your writing and flow eazy i'm not a beef taker or giver ...Stay up |
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07-18-06, 11:32 PM | #14 | |||||
New to RV
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IP: 4411 73E9
well m'aam
it is certainly surprising that a woman's perspective can be applied to this subject. i liked it. you had tasteful imagery, you brought me to the scene, as in, i could see a video in my head for this. whenever you bring that out in a reader, you are doing something positive. i don't agree that the multis were forced, i believe that your concept of this idea is a little basic. maybe if you worked on that, these people wouldn't be such hypocrits. like i said, you spent time on this and it makes a good point. i suggest you write 2 more verses and post these. i would like to see improvement in multis but a whole song. good job keep posting and forget what these people say, i enjoyed it.
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70 page spirals pens mind you wanna get better at this, read. |
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07-19-06, 12:23 AM | #15 | |||||
New to RV
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IP: FDB4 EFE6
*** Dude seriously it was kinda wack...I mean mah battle was wack but this is worse than that...keep writtin ya need structure, flow, multi's, ect. I give it 3/10 ***
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