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New to RV
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minimum wage
IP: 6692 02EB
http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post2805050 http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=230817
life on minimum wage,aint how im tryna live// give to the poor,well i am poor,only me to give bottom of totem pole,aint askin for my 2~cent// but thats all i got to give,when u got over due~rent Work with government product,lights aint price-less/ askin the wiseman for answers,but hes advice-less Wiseman tells me,my fortune will grow one-day/ Notice on the door,water gettin cut off on mon-day Kids like pops why the bread green,eyes full oftears/ Wipe my eyes,god help me climb over the fears scraps aint turnin into miracles,is it rent,or water/ cant pay-back the king pin,so he rape his daughter gun to my head,so he lay-back,my life i cant subdue/ got to hit the box,so you can get a clear view Just another day in the minimum wage life-style/ like raw spelled backwards,give up cuz life-hostile Cant buy no mic,so the showers is his stage/ pen bleed on the book,another line to the page hook 2x life on minimum wage,aint how im tryna live// give to the poor,well i am poor,only me to give bottom of totem pole,aint askin for my 2~cent// but thats all i got to give,when u got over due~rent made bad choices,never made the right decision/ Cant go on,time to let the bullet make a incision workin overtime,still bringin in that minimum wage/ my income got me locked in this unbreakable cage searchin the grass for the clover with four leaves/ anything for marginal cash,so she drops to her knees Played the game wrong,wheres the restart switch/ is the dream or reality,if so then lifes a real bitch didnt go off to college,cant go back to school/ got to walk on the side,cuz no money for feul// luck plays no favors,walk the streets got robd today/ Now we lookin at eviction,this aint april foolsday// kids stay in school,go get ya doctorate,dont drop-out/ cant have the marginal things,learn to cop-without hook 2x life on minimum wage,aint how im tryna live// give to the poor,well i am poor,only me to give bottom of totem pole,aint askin for my 2~cent// but thats all i got to give,when u got over due~rent lost the feelin of cash,say he lost the sense~to~feel/ naw cuz pain he felt,nickel n dime turn cents~to~a mill deny the slump,so he left in~da~nile like egyptian fish/ begin~ya~mile his my nikes,wish to dream,dream to wish pay~check 2 pay check,struggle to put food on the table/ spray~tech nine across the store,rob em money stable forgot the ski~mask so my face on t.v,now im wanted/ she~ask why rob em,right turn wrong life all haunted im hearin voice in my head,follow me,follow you where/ take me as your leader and your wishes will be near/ im wunderin am i goin crazy,or my life playin~a~trick/ followin the voice,no need for lottery stop playin~da~six so this is a story a person who aint play his cards right/ follow ya dreamz,made to write,pull out the pad n write hook 2x life on minimum wage,aint how im tryna live// give to the poor,well i am poor,only me to give bottom of totem pole,aint askin for my 2~cent// but thats all i got to give,when u got over due~rent |
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Within Eternity's Wither
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IP: 7BE2 A0A1
........No bad but could seriously be better homie, your structure is ok but the emotion wasn't really hit'n ok on the imagry, elevation is a must you can do better but if your gonna do such a drop like this why not just do it as an audio the feed will always come out better if you can flow it right ya kno
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crhyme sindicate
Open Mic Hall Of Famer |
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Whys That?
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IP: 5285 DC82
this is marginally ok.
first off all get rid of the // at the end of each bar, not needed. aswell as the - or ~ to link your multis together. You have some good attempts at multis in this, but they are very simple at that. if you upped your vocab it will be alot easier for you to drop some dope multis bro. Vocab is much needed in this peice, its too simple man. Try starting lines with descriptive words. Instead of saying: she~ask why rob em,right turn wrong life all haunted im hearin voice in my head,follow me,follow you where/ take me as your leader and your wishes will be near/ im wunderin am i goin crazy,or my life playin~a~trick/ try saying : desperatly she~ask why rob em,right turn wrong life all haunted antogonisingly im hearin a voice in my head,follow me,follow you where/ instantly take me as your leader and your wishes will be near/ pacing brain wunderin am i goin crazy,or my life playin~a~trick/ see it adds more imagery and a bit more emotion. This isnt bad, dont get me wrong, just pointing out were you can elevate bro. Stay dropping. Peace |
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