Okay I thought this was a cool concept how you started off with "what am i".. that's probably what kept me reading. The flow and rhyme scheme were the biggest strengths here, i didn't see any real flaws from a technical point. However, you need to do a better job using more descriptive words and incorporating the 5 senses to breed imagery and emotion... Maybe you didn't do it for this piece because it was meant to be abstract until the very end... but yah. I thought it was an alright read with a good concept.. coulda been better tho. respek.

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=239009

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