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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
03-02-07, 09:55 PM
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#1
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New to RV
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An Endless Loop
IP: D787 61CE
Its An Endless Loop Of Contraction In Spacial Existence So We Dont Even Have The Time To Ratio The Distance Doomed To Omnipotent Destruction Of The Biological Viral Imprisoned In The Inflictions Of This Chaotic Spiral What Surrounds The Edge Has Got My Thoughts Aborted Maybe Its Inside And Orders Warped And Distorted I Wonder Can We Ever See The World Inside The Mirror Maybe God Designed This And Hes A Psycho Killer Feeding On The Knowledge Of Our Uncertain Decisions Watching Us Drift Outwards Toward Universal Collisionz Forming A New Design In The Lawz Of Its Primitive Mutation Till The Salvation Of A Star Born In A Civilised Nation The Skys Fulfillment In A Perfectly Coded Algorhytym Tuned Accordingly In An Imploding Sand System Unable To Outlast The Resurrection Of Emptyness Or Will It Slowly Stop In Detection Of Cleanliness Would We Form Friendships With Intertwining Galaxies With No Definite Differences In Our Visionised Mentalities Is It Even Possible To Perfect The Universes Evolution Before Its Critically Apparent That The Ends No Illuzion Time As Our Biggest Enemy Houses The Eternal Fortress Should Life Be Averted From Misery To Emerge Tortured There Is No Question Only My Unmeasurable Answerz Try To Understand The Anger Of Those Destined For Cancers The Sun Gave Birth To Life Small Rocks Can Block Tha Burning We'll Need To Move The Earth And Moon And Not Stop Them Turning Climates Change Regardless Of Pollution We Evolve Everybody Knows I'll Get The Damn Solution Solved We Spinnin On Axis So We Apply Infinite Stronger Neutral Forces And One By One They'll Adjust The Position To Our Suited Courses Im Infinite The Way I Would Talk Shit That Could Astound Tha Globe But First You Gota Relax And Crown Me King Of The Road http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post3148037 http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post3148037 |
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03-02-07, 10:03 PM
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#2
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-da prophit-
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IP: CF86 0039
Doomed To Omnipotent Destruction Of The Biological Viral
Imprisoned In The Inflictions Of This Chaotic Spiral I Wonder Can We Ever See The World Inside The Mirror Maybe God Designed This And Hes A Psycho Killer Feeding On The Knowledge Of Our Uncertain Decisions Watching Us Drift Outwards Toward Universal Collisionz those were the lines that stood out the most to me... that shit was really good to me i liked it alot and u had some interesting conseps. really dope shit... although in some parts it was a lil off flow. i had to change mine to adjust but none the less dude this shit was really good nice vocab. some multies... 8/10 keep it up homes
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im so ill that cancer thinks im its father. |
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03-03-07, 06:29 PM
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#3
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The Paragraph President
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IP: 2372 BC06
not bad, your imagery is decent and what topicals really need is a solid story to back them up. I think you have to much vocabulary for the story to pick up and be smoother. Maybe slow down the vocab so you can get a more fluent story to build. Your flow is good and ya rhyme scheme is pretty coo. If your goin for the more lyrical type topical I'd suggest using metaphor and syllable multiples a lot more man. But overall this isn't to bad of a piece I def enjoyed the read.
rtf here: http://community.rapverse.com/showt...202#post3148202
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03-08-07, 04:30 AM
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#4
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New to RV
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IP: C96C 8391
Thx For The Feed Guyz
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03-08-07, 12:15 PM
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#5
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New to RV
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IP: 2303 05E1
this was good. a little bit too long for the topic, but good job
nice wordplay. |
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04-02-07, 01:43 PM
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#6
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New to RV
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IP: 95C9 8484
Thx 4 Tha Comment Dawg, I Aint Seen U Drop In Awhile You Cookin Somethin Up? Peace
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04-02-07, 08:58 PM
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#7
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don't try.
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IP: 28AD 5545
This was a good piece man. I liked those lines he mentioned to..but yea there was to much vocab in there to get a feel for the story..good vocab n' all but it kind of was harder to read if ya know what I mean. I still liked it. Keep it up man.
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Fear |
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04-16-07, 05:34 AM
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#8
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New to RV
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IP: 2318 1E51
this flow was reall good, i will admit i dont know what some of the words mean but that dont matter im just stupid. flowed smooth and nice rymes.8/10
keep doin your thing bro. |
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04-24-07, 09:38 PM
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#9
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..........
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IP: 1E2E CA64
this was nice alot of big vocab though....creative but still complicated for the most part...i like this style though........keep writing ~1~
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04-25-07, 11:01 AM
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#10
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Flyweight
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IP: 33E3 44D7
this was nice homie... very nice....nice vocab man sick.... stay writing
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I'm Sicker Than Tha Plauges That God Sent Moses-Chosen |
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04-27-07, 12:17 AM
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#11
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New to RV
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IP: 0825 899A
haha..nice piece,..a tad to much, seemed like u were showin off with ur vocab n multi's..maybe a little less,..it will make it a lil better I think. but this was pretty good. no hate man, I liked it. Keep it up kid
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top C krit.
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