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Old 03-02-07, 09:55 PM   #1
iRRaTioNaL
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An Endless Loop

IP: D787 61CE

Its An Endless Loop Of Contraction In Spacial Existence
So We Dont Even Have The Time To Ratio The Distance
Doomed To Omnipotent Destruction Of The Biological Viral
Imprisoned In The Inflictions Of This Chaotic Spiral
What Surrounds The Edge Has Got My Thoughts Aborted
Maybe Its Inside And Orders Warped And Distorted
I Wonder Can We Ever See The World Inside The Mirror
Maybe God Designed This And Hes A Psycho Killer
Feeding On The Knowledge Of Our Uncertain Decisions
Watching Us Drift Outwards Toward Universal Collisionz
Forming A New Design In The Lawz Of Its Primitive Mutation
Till The Salvation Of A Star Born In A Civilised Nation
The Skys Fulfillment In A Perfectly Coded Algorhytym
Tuned Accordingly In An Imploding Sand System
Unable To Outlast The Resurrection Of Emptyness
Or Will It Slowly Stop In Detection Of Cleanliness
Would We Form Friendships With Intertwining Galaxies
With No Definite Differences In Our Visionised Mentalities
Is It Even Possible To Perfect The Universes Evolution
Before Its Critically Apparent That The Ends No Illuzion
Time As Our Biggest Enemy Houses The Eternal Fortress
Should Life Be Averted From Misery To Emerge Tortured
There Is No Question Only My Unmeasurable Answerz
Try To Understand The Anger Of Those Destined For Cancers
The Sun Gave Birth To Life Small Rocks Can Block Tha Burning
We'll Need To Move The Earth And Moon And Not Stop Them Turning
Climates Change Regardless Of Pollution We Evolve
Everybody Knows I'll Get The Damn Solution Solved
We Spinnin On Axis So We Apply Infinite Stronger Neutral Forces
And One By One They'll Adjust The Position To Our Suited Courses
Im Infinite The Way I Would Talk Shit That Could Astound Tha Globe
But First You Gota Relax And Crown Me King Of The Road

http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post3148037

http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post3148037
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Old 03-02-07, 10:03 PM   #2
scanz
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Doomed To Omnipotent Destruction Of The Biological Viral
Imprisoned In The Inflictions Of This Chaotic Spiral

I Wonder Can We Ever See The World Inside The Mirror
Maybe God Designed This And Hes A Psycho Killer
Feeding On The Knowledge Of Our Uncertain Decisions
Watching Us Drift Outwards Toward Universal Collisionz

those were the lines that stood out the most to me... that shit was really good to me i liked it alot and u had some interesting conseps. really dope shit... although in some parts it was a lil off flow. i had to change mine to adjust but none the less dude this shit was really good nice vocab. some multies... 8/10
keep it up homes
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Old 03-03-07, 06:29 PM   #3
Paranoid
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not bad, your imagery is decent and what topicals really need is a solid story to back them up. I think you have to much vocabulary for the story to pick up and be smoother. Maybe slow down the vocab so you can get a more fluent story to build. Your flow is good and ya rhyme scheme is pretty coo. If your goin for the more lyrical type topical I'd suggest using metaphor and syllable multiples a lot more man. But overall this isn't to bad of a piece I def enjoyed the read.

rtf here: http://community.rapverse.com/showt...202#post3148202
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Old 03-08-07, 04:30 AM   #4
iRRaTioNaL
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Thx For The Feed Guyz
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Old 03-08-07, 12:15 PM   #5
P.A.
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this was good. a little bit too long for the topic, but good job
nice wordplay.
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Old 04-02-07, 01:43 PM   #6
iRRaTioNaL
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Thx 4 Tha Comment Dawg, I Aint Seen U Drop In Awhile You Cookin Somethin Up? Peace
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Old 04-02-07, 08:58 PM   #7
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This was a good piece man. I liked those lines he mentioned to..but yea there was to much vocab in there to get a feel for the story..good vocab n' all but it kind of was harder to read if ya know what I mean. I still liked it. Keep it up man.
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Old 04-16-07, 05:34 AM   #8
crazyboysoki
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this flow was reall good, i will admit i dont know what some of the words mean but that dont matter im just stupid. flowed smooth and nice rymes.8/10
keep doin your thing bro.
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Old 04-24-07, 09:38 PM   #9
KM
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this was nice alot of big vocab though....creative but still complicated for the most part...i like this style though........keep writing ~1~
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Old 04-25-07, 11:01 AM   #10
Young Sin
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this was nice homie... very nice....nice vocab man sick.... stay writing
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Old 04-27-07, 12:17 AM   #11
top C krit.
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haha..nice piece,..a tad to much, seemed like u were showin off with ur vocab n multi's..maybe a little less,..it will make it a lil better I think. but this was pretty good. no hate man, I liked it. Keep it up kid
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