Coke- Reckon you should run a spell check over your next piece mate. This was a ramble type piece, the narrator talking through his state of confusion. I reckon you could've got more creative with the topic and built up the imagery more. Structurally it was fine though.

JTR- Best verse i read all week, Good take on the topic, nothing wrong with some porno writing, lol. Clear imagery, good vocab choice, funny punchline about your last battle. Fuck it, it was all there wrapped up in a nice little topical package.

Vote- JTR, stronger verse all round.