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09-21-03, 11:47 PM | #1 | ||||||
New to RB
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Blind Sighted
IP: 7FDF 14FE
On the streets of New York it was business an' traffic
Everything was normal, from smell to all this madness Kids playing basketball on the community courts Graffiti art tagged on walls - leaders pass the torch Ice cream vendors, hot dog stands, Yankees win again Return to sender, humanity plans, thank the heaven sent A better day cause it was, accepted with one greeting About two men, and a true story, except at their meeting. Here on 7th Avenue - wandered - a homeless man He didn't have a clue - to ponder - to understand Instead his knowledge spanned on street corners Hearing in on planned mischief of sheik foreigners It was repetitive like this everyday for this guy Soon his white cane, and tattered clothes would leave for the sky The only jewel of his life, his passion and desire Was of 2 little wings clasped on his back, to fly higher It was a drop from the top, he'd knew the day was comming The sun was silver, as a man left his office running His build was moderate, Prada clothes - glasses too Free of facial hair, suave - with Armani shoes A cane stopped the business man to a halt as he froze "What is it sir?" the poor man mumbled "where'd you get those?" "Where'd I get what? "My glasses, shoes?" he just stared "No, Those wings on your shoulder, I need know where Ok..? "heres some cash, now make a better living" "No I need not money, I have a story so please listen" The business man said "I'm in a hurry, so...make it quick" "Ok," the story begins in the summer of ninteen seventy six. The day was 1976, clear as ever as I remember It was sunday at the chemical plant when I hit a lever Accidentally though, my insides began to dance An alarm blared loudly, "damn this stupid plant!" I felt something inside...and danger was comming. A worker yelled "gases everywhere!" "Start running!" I was like "Oh shit, theres no way should I die" "I ain't ready to fly, I'm engaged to a lovely bride" Deep inside I felt the tension grip harder n' harder Chemical gases spreading all over, then there was Carter I tripped on him, and couldn't get up, "duck for cover!" So Carter and I were 2 of many scarred by each other And That's all I remember, now my eyesight was tainted - Forever - I couldn't even see a masterpiece painting I was Taken to the hospital, then to the streets I blame - Carter, cause I will never see life the same again. That is quite a story you have there Joey Rapport - But I remember it differently, with no remorse "And these wings are a symbol of eternity in the gates" "Meaning heaven, so tell me what's at stake?" "I'm blind Carter, you been living life freely" So "it's my turn to be you, and you to be me" Carters face, overwhelmed while his stomach churned The two wings were taken from Carter, as tides turned.
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..Ghetto Essence.. |
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09-22-03, 12:55 AM | #2 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: 6B19 E604
this piece was ill,good vocab,tight rhyme scheme,good wordplay,tight imagery,well laid out,and a tight twist at tha time, all in all it a 9 out of 10,keep droppin tha hotness.~1~
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09-22-03, 04:04 AM | #3 | |||||||
Banned: Spamming
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IP: 1833 F518
Yeah, this was pretty dope my man, nicely told story, you made the transitions smoothly to keep the piece moving along but not too quickly, flow was decent as i read it, multi's were there but i felt you could of used more internal-multi's in this piece to really strengthen it. Overall though i liked this, really got into the story of it, made for a nice read.
Props.
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W o r d P e r f e c t ^This is your IP bitch! |
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09-22-03, 10:07 PM | #4 | ||||||
New to RB
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IP: 7FDF 14FE
1 upping.
__________________
..Ghetto Essence.. |
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09-22-03, 10:14 PM | #5 | ||||
Word.
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IP: 76B1 9A60
This was a good peice, nice story to it, it flowed good, and you could have used some more multies to make the flow stronger, but i liked reading this peice it was good, and if you could check out me and gene pools peice called 2 of a kind..thanks.
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09-22-03, 11:02 PM | #6 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: 51AB 33D1
dope mane.i like da flow.good vocab.overall shit is tight.holla
CTF(represent) |
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09-22-03, 11:51 PM | #7 | |||||||
Banned for being stupid
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IP: 4F94 9E43
i was feelin it, the flow was good, the vocab, wordplay, and content kicked ass. that was an ill drop dude, i really enjoyed readin that, so keep postin
yo can u check out my post, 'back in hell', thanx peace..... |
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09-23-03, 01:10 AM | #8 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: D95F 3334
lol alot of fuckin shit to read tho... but it was nice as hell... ill as fuck man...
check it, your style was creative, nice piece, your flow was a lil dreary, you could have used a lil more multis up in this piece, but your rhymescheme had me man, you spat nicely with the topic, not bouncy at all... stayed in one place, this was a nice piece, loved reading it... infact i hope to read more, shit was hot... |
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09-23-03, 02:56 AM | #9 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: 19AF 50C1
I LIKES ALOT THIS WAS STRAIT ILLNESS THE CONECPT THE DELIVERY AND CONTENT WAS ERFECT
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09-23-03, 04:21 AM | #10 | |||||||
Banned: Spamming
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IP: 6D16 49CA
Just one thing 1/2 -
drop the piece you did with Steezus here so i can put it into Legends. = ) Uppin` for him.
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W o r d P e r f e c t ^This is your IP bitch! |
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09-23-03, 07:33 PM | #11 | ||||||
New to RB
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IP: 7FDF 14FE
aiight, dope.
i'll get it up.
__________________
..Ghetto Essence.. |
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09-23-03, 07:54 PM | #12 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: 690B 80D9
nice, that shit was tight, nice twist at the end aswell, i enjoyed reading it, kept a nice beat. waitin for your next
..............D |
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