I cant erase you from my thoughts, and all I see is your face..
And when you smile, you just make my heart race..
When I looked into your eyes for the first time..
It just took my breath away, I wished you were mine..
I could ask for a kiss, just to taste your lips..
We can talk with our tongues, holding hips..
Then slowly break away, feeling your love..
Embraced in a comforting warm hug..
And its just hard-to-say, the words I need-to…
But I should start-today, cause I really need-you..

I need your love, I need your touch..
I need your hug, I need you so much..
I need your kiss, I need your lips..
I need to feel your finger tips..

Your like a angel sent from above, your just so sweet…
I just want to hold you close, to feel your heart beat..
And rest my head gently against yours..
Whisper in your ear how much I adore..
Smile so perfect, eyes reflecting inner beauty..
Controlled by the lashes, with a blink you move-me..
Hearing your soft voice, it just makes-me-feel..
So warm inside, making me think fate-is-real..
I don’t know what I would do, if you weren’t here..
Cause you take away all my deepest fears..

I need your love, I need your touch..
I need your hug, I need you so much..
I need your kiss, I need your lips..
I need to feel your finger tips..

Just to hold you and feel your soft-skin..
Cause your in my thoughts so often..
Nothing can express how I truly-feel..
Cause theres so many things I want to-reveal..
And words just cant say how much I love-you..
Even if you slipped away, I could never let go of-you..
Just to hold your hand in mine, and interlock our fingers..
Slowly pulling you close to kiss you softly and linger..
I cant explain what I feel when I see you smile..
No matter what happens, I’ll be loving you all the while..

yeah, i know we're in the same crew, so i shouldn't need to say it, but nice drop, was feelin it, but dunno how you can talk bout it when you aint had it though......lol....na what i mean...only jokin.....good drop man.....peace ma dawg!

This was from the heart..

I can relate to this piece, and I'm sure can everyone else can too (unless youre a net nerd with no life, like Chrit, then you couldnt).

I liked how you worded it, it flowed real smoothly. I could picture someone spitting it in audio, to a laid back warm beat. I've written shit like this for my girl before, its a good way to get in with them when they hear a song you wrote for them. They melt over that shit.

You should record this shit and let her listen to it.

Anyways, nice piece

onE

very good piece, straight from the heart, good flow nice use of wordplay an vocab, good shit peace

__________________
Open Mics
The Weathers Art
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108673
My Teenage Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104850
Secluded
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...851#post1148851
Open Your Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...461#post1157461

lol Deva you bitch..just joking...but hey thanks for the feedback so far, keep the feedback coming in, its much appreciated, thanks.

sounds like a poem or r&b song--still tight even though its not my style

__________________
let's get this shit straight, i'm here to eliminate- them squadz wit feminine traits, there's no escape!

That so straight from the heart..put tears to my eyes..
It had all the beats at the right time..I was so diggin this shit..gonna sing it to my girlfriend tonight..hope it works!!
Peace Out........................................

i was feeling this peace masta C...... your flow suffered a bit on the first verse, but you picked it up to a great pace on the second and third.... u need to work on your vocab in some areas, but most of it was dope.... the best bits were when you dropped a multi syllable or multi rhyme like:

Smile so perfect, eyes reflecting inner beauty..
Controlled by the lashes, with a blink you move-me..

And words just cant say how much I love-you..
Even if you slipped away, I could never let go of-you..

Smile so perfect, eyes reflecting inner beauty..
Controlled by the lashes, with a blink you move-me..

those lines were dope ^^^.... your song reminded me of ja rule, but only in the way of content - you spit a thousand times better than he ever could, and you did it without R&B vocals - this was one hot joint when it came to love songs... u should record it for your girlfriend, lol

8.5/10

check out my open mic "Mind Theory" plz........ thanks

soz, i did the inner beauty one twice - i was supposed to put this:

Hearing your soft voice, it just makes-me-feel..
So warm inside, making me think fate-is-real..

Hey guys thanks for the feedback, keep the feedback coming, its much appreciated, thanks.

Make Your Bar Structure Even.
Add More Multies. And Better Style.

Then You Will Be Good.

Yes u got the potential...

Content was deep...structure, sucked...lol^

But u will come their jus keep droppin and try to elevate ur style.

__________________
Fuck you

Nice deep emotions in this piece..
Flow was consistant...
Piece all together is niceness...
Good job.


Syn

I like the concept but the vereses were short weren't they?
I agree with the dude that said its got to get points with the girl
Just don't do it too often that she gets tired of it.