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Old 02-11-04, 09:22 PM   #1
Penskills
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Talking Elements of Life(Legends Here I come...LMAo!)

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Elements of Life


I pondered my position while sitting near the window watching the rain
The pain of rejection shattered my esteem~ Leaving me ashamed
The world is aimed at making a class of the most elite
Those less fortunate are left to wonder at how they'll live and what they'll eat
And it's a shame~
The differences in living costs and oppurtunities given
All leading to common death for those without and those within
What's really missin'? The race of men is destined to fail
Because they don't have the intelligence to truly govern themselves
And it's as sad as hell~ Such weeping and gnashing of teeth
Political parties burning money in front of the homeless in the streets
So I understand the ambivalence some feel toward religion
When their natural eyes behold men under the curse of ambition
How is grace forgotten in the face of poverty's victims, those sickened
By the unbalance of happiness and every fragile mind's vision
Hope is the religion of less priveleged souls who behold
The countenance of gods who turn their ears from prayers in the cold
I hope you find your life's reward at the bottom of a lie
In believing you'd find peace and rest while ignoring others cries
The miracle of this life is how in the world we survived
For this long.....
Does the sun truly shine without bias and does the rain fall on all
I'd love to see mankind unified under anything but a threat
But that possibility is unlikely and Babel's position is kept
So here we stand, the multitude of man~ Held in contempt
By ourselves, only knowing for sure that this life makes no sense...
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Old 02-11-04, 09:25 PM   #2
Daz
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dope peice....
very dope...nice flow structure etc......im gonna miss ya pen..pz
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Old 02-11-04, 09:29 PM   #3
BlackMagik
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ill flow pen...8.5/10 very nice!!
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Old 02-11-04, 09:49 PM   #4
Da MUSEishun
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I liked this, you're never stretched to find concepts.Thats what I like about you, the concepts always 'somewhat' recycled, but you add your ingredients to it and make it fresh. Iknow it's your style not to concentrate on the rhyning so thats what gives this a short story feel. I was really feeling a couple of lines. Very dope, speakin up for the little people and global unity, always gives ya points in my book.Anyway this was ill, you know it.
check out my sig please
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Old 02-12-04, 05:05 AM   #5
Dev
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quite good.........<<returning the breakdown.......lol
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Old 02-12-04, 05:53 AM   #6
Kwizikz
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I tell U wot son...U prob will be a legend
On this ite soon cos u constantly continue
to drop ill open mics that always out do
The last one that U did...And I find that
Extra-ordinary mate....Sounds like I'm dick
ridin or somethin but its the truth.....
Wordplay on point.....9.5/10....Bladow!

Any way....ILL piece...Nothin wrong wit
it
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Old 02-12-04, 08:26 AM   #7
Ambitious
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this was pretty dope...vocab was very well written....lines seemed thought out...
consistant on the topic....like your meta4's and wordplay to....this peaice had meaning....liked it....very clean....good strucutre and flowed well...
dope
keep droppin
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Old 02-12-04, 08:54 AM   #8
Edicius
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Dope, good my man, .. very nice =) .. everythign was on point, loved the content, .. good one

M!sf!ts.!
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Old 02-12-04, 09:09 AM   #9
ELEETE
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Yo how much damage can you do witta Pen? hehe j/k........Danm Pen this was a dope piece indeed.........very emotional.........very discriptive an everything else that comes along with every piece you drop....your topic was great as well...you never seem to have a problem wiith comin up with something new........great job......someday youll make it Pen.........someday................
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Old 02-12-04, 10:09 AM   #10
Freeman
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Dope...

Keep it up...

Good everything... Dont make me type hoe... You know what a think anyway...

Pz...
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Old 02-12-04, 11:26 AM   #11
Penskills
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Freeman
Dope...

Keep it up...

Good everything... Dont make me type hoe... You know what a think anyway...

Pz...

^Very gay reply...from...very gay guy...
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Old 02-12-04, 11:57 AM   #12
T West
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Pen skills...would u mind telling me what pen do you use? Maybe that'll help me write better. Dam you and your skills...You must teach me this emotional stuff.

Anyways, opinion on the piece...like everything this guy does...I love it. The title fits the piece...but I dunno...it just sounds like it could be better...You have an imaginative writing style...a better title would be more consise for you. Such as "me". Anyways, thats jsut how I feel...plz return the favour and review my peice called "my journal"
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Old 02-12-04, 02:25 PM   #13
Penskills
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Quote:
Originally Posted by T West
Pen skills...would u mind telling me what pen do you use? Maybe that'll help me write better. Dam you and your skills...You must teach me this emotional stuff.

Anyways, opinion on the piece...like everything this guy does...I love it. The title fits the piece...but I dunno...it just sounds like it could be better...You have an imaginative writing style...a better title would be more consise for you. Such as "me". Anyways, thats jsut how I feel...plz return the favour and review my peice called "my journal"


^I was going to title this "Elements of a Legend"
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Old 02-12-04, 02:35 PM   #14
Born To Kill
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Very cool, my friend.

Pretty much flawless.

Great vision, great message.

Loved the imagery in the first line.

Kinda thought you went to all message after that.

But nonetheless, this was great, Pen.

Why does that one cat say he'll miss you?

Where ya going that's taking you from here?

Peace
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Old 02-12-04, 02:36 PM   #15
Edicius
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Pen uses me =)

M!sF!tS Niggggga!<!{!}!!@#
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