Monday to Thursday, infer to the worst days, bleak like a desert waiting for water to reap, Friday the build up, the concrete holding my mind, keep it down with the street. After Thursday night, Light hittin ma face wakes me up get ma things into place – case sumthin crops up, need to be ready, busy days flowin steady, by the sun in the sky can predict the diary, when ma interior car mirror blinds me - time be bout 5 no more smokin, tokin, gotta stay choking, clear headed for the evening, believin that ma haunt will be heavin with ladies, anyways, when the clock hits 6.00 waitin for clicks, see which concoction where gonna mix, meanwhile getting dressed, in the mirror lookin slick, polish ma shoes then meet at ma local, already vocal from the vodka I total’d sittin waitin for da line-up proposal, cheap beer steered down our throats, playing pool and laugh at bad jokes, when we get to the final place, race to a cubical, credit card cutting, white fuel, more durable, checkout the finer discard the unworthy, dance with the gorgeous, leave the bull faced and sturdy, times tickin by startin to feel I can fly high above the bar far but I need it for alcohol, come back down for a jar, 10 pints 10 vodkas later louse almost hittin time to gather the kitty for bevy’s as many’s as possible for the binge at ma twins, where the real thing begins, things like e’s and coke, ten mins later lotta sniffing and noses stinging, by 8 in the morning like zombies lookin appallin, feel like crawling put on ma coat and walk home recover for the following evenings callin……………………….

i want to hear the audio this was well composed in a very artistic format.pergraph usually takes away from a read but for you it is destined to beuutilized.

i left it in a paragraph on purpose, so you could get the flow easier, and thnx for the crit..................peace

This wasnt too bad, i liked it....it made a good read....flow was very nice i thought, didnt really get off track...this is a different style for you and it seems to be working well in this piece...your vocab was good, nothing wrong there...i think you did well on your content..liked the opener to it....keep at it...and keep dropping.

that is definitely a hott style. and yea, its easier to get tha flow in a pragraph format wit that style. i like how it's set up. its pretty much flawless. keep doing shit like that and you're bound to kick some ass

Fa Real This Should Be An Audio.. That Was GooD!

I Can Tell It Was A Freestyle Cuz U Kept Goin On And On!

Keep It COmmin!


down our throats, playing pool and laugh at bad jokes, when we get to the final place, race to a cubical, credit card cutting, white fuel, more durable, checkout the finer discard the unworthy,
^^^^ LoL Alota Commaz .... But Good And Origional!

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"Fuck Y'all Hataz."

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yeah it was a free style, just wrote it as it came, already done it on audio, but altered it a bit to keep the flow.....

polish ma shoes then meet at ma local, already vocal from the vodka I total’d

^fuckin ill

nice as fuck nick,,,, keep it comin you're definatly improvin on the old open mics

^^^exactly.....your display of multi's was raw as fuck...

very nice in my books.....just take outta paragraph form.....


do me a favor an drop ur thoughts on
The Monkey Dream
thanks an keep postin.......pc*1*

im uppin this so its next to the second verse........
.........................//...//.......

Nice shit..
Structures fucked up tho.. work on that..
Multies were coo nd topic wus original..
Keep writin dawg..

nice shit i was feelin yo flow and u had some nice vocab and some decent multies. like everyone else is sayin this would be a dope audio piece.



holla

What else can i say other then tight as a nun's cunt.
Shit man keep droppin, That shit is ill.
[]Deace

nice job Deva proply one of the first pieces I've read by u which is kinda surprising but as far as I can say I liked it. but I have to agree ur structure was pretty wack but u had the flow and tha multi's fo sho. not much I can really point out to say cept this was a good piece oh and ur had some pretty good imagery in this piece to I thought. keep up the droppin man. peace

down our throats, playing pool and laugh at bad jokes, when we get to the final place, race to a cubical, credit card cutting, white fuel, more durable, checkout the finer discard the unworthy

polish ma shoes then meet at ma local, already vocal from the vodka I total’d

^^ some nice lines man.

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<center><table style=filter:GLOW(color=red)>Atmosphere - inspirations of following in the footsteps of story tellin rhymes</table></center>

<center>Corrupted Visions</center>

<center><table style=filter:GLOW(color=black)>Giving Sight A Third Eye</table></center>

thanx Gene, i know what ur sayin about the structure, but the way i read it, it works, especially with a good beat behind it....peace... oh and thanx everyone else for the feedback....holla