![]() |
|
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio ![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
||||
Over Weight
|
Attendance
IP: C1DA C961
Everyday he shows up, and it seems his life is more unforgiving,
Should he blow up, his mind is sizzling, wife isn't at all kidding, She'll leave him,times a giving,everyday his mood swings shifting, from bad to worse, he's givin it his all, his boss won't let it up, He's getting ready for the fall, anguish repeats itself like a hiccup, His back is against the wall, as if his minds in his own stick-up, Fellowships his own,ones life is full of strife, lost in another zone, Can't even be entered by his wife,wounds that can't be sewn, Healing is a lost process, his wife and boss also having an affair, So now he's lost death out of his concious, they're not aware, That he knows,only noise heard between their moaning are crows, Suppose,they'd die,none would find out,stop to his highs and lows, So the objective in his minds been played out, here it now goes, KAAPLLOOWW!!, KAAPLLOOWW!!, sounds of the shotgun blow, No more showing up to work, no more showing up to his home, Thats the last day of his perfect attendance record, free to roam, One shotgun shell left, hes cases hims own life into his own tomb, KAAPLLOOWW!!
__________________
Soft Focus Suicide Inc. RhymeVantage Def.Ill Ghost-Writers Retarded people's heads are to big..I'll be back with something just as funny as watching the Special Olympics..don't worry..
|
||||
![]() |
![]() ![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
||||
Over Weight
|
IP: C1DA C961
3 people
LoCo Potent Cam
__________________
Soft Focus Suicide Inc. RhymeVantage Def.Ill Ghost-Writers Retarded people's heads are to big..I'll be back with something just as funny as watching the Special Olympics..don't worry..
|
||||
![]() |
![]() ![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
||||
Straight Savage.
|
IP: 8BEC CACE
Nice drop Relik. This was pretty dope, I mean, theres always death somewhere along the lines of recent open mics, but you seemed calmed and had a different approach to it. Good shit.
__________________
Only God can judge me, Who THE FUCK IS YOU?! |
||||
![]() ![]() |
![]() ![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
||||
Over Weight
|
IP: C1DA C961
thanks, uppin for some more responses
__________________
Soft Focus Suicide Inc. RhymeVantage Def.Ill Ghost-Writers Retarded people's heads are to big..I'll be back with something just as funny as watching the Special Olympics..don't worry..
|
||||
![]() |
![]() ![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
||||
Over Weight
|
IP: 399E F0FD
alright anyone of u hoes willin to peep this???? i see 18 ppl looked, but can someone dro psomethin. hoes.
__________________
Soft Focus Suicide Inc. RhymeVantage Def.Ill Ghost-Writers Retarded people's heads are to big..I'll be back with something just as funny as watching the Special Olympics..don't worry..
|
||||
![]() |
![]() ![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
|||||||
Banned: Spamming
|
IP: 4577 CD9A
..Hmm..nice...I like your wordplay...good flow too...8/10..^^
|
|||||||
![]() ![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
||||
Over Weight
|
IP: 399E F0FD
ok, any thing more...indepth
__________________
Soft Focus Suicide Inc. RhymeVantage Def.Ill Ghost-Writers Retarded people's heads are to big..I'll be back with something just as funny as watching the Special Olympics..don't worry..
|
||||
![]() |
![]() ![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
||||
Over Weight
|
IP: 399E F0FD
hoes??
__________________
Soft Focus Suicide Inc. RhymeVantage Def.Ill Ghost-Writers Retarded people's heads are to big..I'll be back with something just as funny as watching the Special Olympics..don't worry..
|
||||
![]() |
![]() ![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
|||||||
Flyweight
|
IP: FCAB FF91
NIIIIIIIIIIIICE, I REALLY LIKE THIS ONE DOG.SIMPLE AND SO RELEVANT. I'LL BE SEEING YOUR MORE OFTEN.
|
|||||||
![]() ![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
||||||
Guest
|
IP: 4191 D1DC
i liked it man.it was an interesting piece.very creative and a different perscpective not often seen.flow was off at some points other than that it thought it was tight.welldon.
do me a favour and drop a vote at this battle............................... http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=98116 |
||||||
![]() ![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
||||
Over Weight
|
IP: C1DA C961
thanks uppin for more pipple
__________________
Soft Focus Suicide Inc. RhymeVantage Def.Ill Ghost-Writers Retarded people's heads are to big..I'll be back with something just as funny as watching the Special Olympics..don't worry..
|
||||
![]() |
![]() ![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
|||||||
Banned: Spamming
|
IP: EBF7 21D3
It was a decent piece, imagery and content
were both fairly good i thought. You stuck to the topic and hand quite nicely, the flow was off for me though, each one seemed to be 2 syllables out, its only a minor thing, but flow does actually work in text . . and it will read better to the reader if you give it a nice flow. But yeah, the transition's were decent, kept my attention throughout it .. it was worded fairly well, the only thing i didn't really enjoy was how you rounded it off. The whole 'gun' idea didn't seem that well thought out to me, but aside from that this was felt. Nice piece.. short and yet to the point. Props.
__________________
W o r d P e r f e c t ![]() ^This is your IP bitch! |
|||||||
![]() |
![]() ![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
|||
Mona Lisa.
|
IP: 8372 BD38
i liked the piece..
early multis set the tone and u gave a good imagery in the piece it showed a fast decline in the kids life which was good but i wudda like to see him live lol.. anyways good overall piece.. Vocab was also nice pz
__________________
"Woop Woop, its the sound of da police"
|
|||
![]() |
![]() ![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
||||
Over Weight
|
IP: 4577 CD9A
lol thank u thank u real replys, i love u guys lol, word.
__________________
Soft Focus Suicide Inc. RhymeVantage Def.Ill Ghost-Writers Retarded people's heads are to big..I'll be back with something just as funny as watching the Special Olympics..don't worry..
|
||||
![]() |
![]() ![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
||||
Over Weight
|
IP: 4577 CD9A
i wonder if i forgot my 3 ppl masta c would review this ... Masta, where ya at???
__________________
Soft Focus Suicide Inc. RhymeVantage Def.Ill Ghost-Writers Retarded people's heads are to big..I'll be back with something just as funny as watching the Special Olympics..don't worry..
|
||||
![]() |
![]() ![]() |
![]() |
Thread Tools | Search this Thread |
Display Modes | |
|
|