Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio |
12-13-03, 11:38 AM | #16 | |||||||
Registered User
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IP: 9B14 A5FD
come on there has got to be more feedback..anyone??
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my head is clouded with senseless doubt but this seems to be my only escape route so ill slither my way across the ground to avoid my blyndedsoul from being found ~*~YOU LIVE YOU LEARN~*~ |
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12-13-03, 11:58 AM | #17 | |||||||
Banned
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IP: 4262 3F94
YO IWOULD SAY ITS A MASTER PIECE
SO KEEP IT UP AND ONE DAY U WILL BE LENGENDARY ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ |
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12-14-03, 05:10 PM | #18 | |||||||
Registered User
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IP: 9B14 A5FD
thanks.. but can someone poss advise me on structure and all for future references..please..
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my head is clouded with senseless doubt but this seems to be my only escape route so ill slither my way across the ground to avoid my blyndedsoul from being found ~*~YOU LIVE YOU LEARN~*~ |
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12-14-03, 05:11 PM | #19 | |||||||
Light Weight
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IP: 7CB6 08F5
iT WAS PRETTY NICE....PIECE I WAS FEELIN IT
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<center> GhOsT - WrITeRZ ..Kidz I'll Cease to Spit 'Vowelz' An let the 'Eyez'-Inspect... Fools On My Dick I aSSur You I got Chrome that'll leave your body count high-in-debt... <center> |
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12-14-03, 10:16 PM | #20 | |||||||
Middle Weight
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IP: F47B 9A9F
fa real, im feelin the poem. the vocab was good, the metas and similes were sadly painting a picture of hurt and mistrust. the flow was strong at times and then sumtimes got a lil off beat, but hey perfect flow is hard to get. overall id give it a 9.9, beatiful imagery gave it life, and emotion but the tale gave it enough activity that it kept peoples attention. great poem, one of the best ive seen. i would say to keep it up, but i think u already know that. o, and ure from VA? me too, wat part u from?
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Po'Ethics.
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12-14-03, 10:46 PM | #21 | ||||||
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IP: F297 3228
hey...i just wanted to say you show mad talent and that i think u got mad skills and thats gonna take u places...if u let it...but yea keep writing and i'll be sure to read em cuz i can already tell i'm gonna luv ur stuff.peace
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12-15-03, 08:40 PM | #22 | |||||||
Registered User
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IP: 9B14 A5FD
thanks for all the advice..is there anyone else that would
like to say anything?? to help me build up on it???
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my head is clouded with senseless doubt but this seems to be my only escape route so ill slither my way across the ground to avoid my blyndedsoul from being found ~*~YOU LIVE YOU LEARN~*~ |
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12-16-03, 12:29 PM | #23 | ||||||
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IP: 7AFC 236C
i loved the structure of this and the way it all flowed
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12-16-03, 09:27 PM | #24 | |||||||
Registered User
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IP: A822 3791
thanks...
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my head is clouded with senseless doubt but this seems to be my only escape route so ill slither my way across the ground to avoid my blyndedsoul from being found ~*~YOU LIVE YOU LEARN~*~ |
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12-17-03, 12:07 AM | #25 | ||||||
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IP: 399E F0FD
im not going to lie, i did not have the time to read it all. . it was to long. i read the first few paragraphs/ stanzas, and it was alright. structure was good, rhyming was fine, overall nice job. i liked how you walked over the bridge and through the river cried. .
would give a longer more detailed reply but im replying to a lot in here now & dont have time. -FM |
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12-17-03, 12:53 PM | #26 | ||||||
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IP: 7AFC 236C
nice shit
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12-17-03, 12:56 PM | #27 | |||||||
I Am The Light
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IP: CB2E 7CE0
your being banned as we speak...^^^^^hotyrod
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SOFT FOCUS crew record (3-0) Wits end ~ DOI ~ Central....now who's next? sacred scriptures record (5-0) |
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12-17-03, 01:13 PM | #28 | ||||||
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IP: 5B2B 528A
damn shit was ill kna mean,shit was on point with all the emotions
you sounded like your heart was put into it deeply overall shit was ill..........9/10 |
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12-17-03, 03:49 PM | #29 | |||||||
New to RB
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IP: F354 9C29
This was a good write, I felt the power packed into the words.. You got your point across really good. . . I felt the emotion.. Overall good poem.. Keep this up
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.DoperThanThouRecords. Kredit - Formula - Skribblez Skribble Skrabble: Skripturez Of A Kindergartener Coming Soon !!! |
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12-19-03, 01:42 AM | #30 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: 9B33 081B
nice message in a well thought out piece.....there wasn't alot of intricacy in this but it really didn't need any.......
i cried me a river that led to an ocean spilled all my feelings and spread out my emotions you told me you loved me so i let my heart open then you said it was over leaving me crushed and broken ^the opener grabbed my attention....i think i caught the theme of something/someone lost right away........very enjoyable beginning the words flowed well both to my eyes and my ears i threw my tears in the river along with my soul and let the currents flow take total control as i slowly walked across, the swinging bridge couldnt hold all the weight i was still carrying, so it began to fold the river metaphore through me for a bit......but after i re-read it i understood that you were seperated from your soul.....nice....shows a lot of depth.....poetry should have layers if it didn't then what would be the purpose of writing?......... after the long drop everything became calm and smooth and i attempted to get out the water but i was struggling to move finally, i was washed onto a shore, all broken and bruised i freelycrawled on the beach, and vaguely still saw an image of u CAN I EVER ESCAPE YOUR PAINFUL PLEASURE? OR AM I TRAPPED IN THIS ENDLESS TORTURE FOREVER? now this is where i start to see things in my own experiences through your words.....you aren't trapped in the traditional sense...you are trying to escape not only yourself but your "pursuer" as well......your own greatest enemy is yourself......at least i think so....overall i think this is a very good piece put together by an intelligent and sensitive poet.....much respect |
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