thanks fam....
and thanks everybody for u'r feed back.....

I'd break your shit down, give you feedback and tell you how to improve, but you've got everything down perfectly and are completely unbeatable, apparently.

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^^^ nah i wouldnt say unbeatable....
there is always someone better then u..
or u gonna have a bad day and someone will have there best day.. shit like that happens to everyone....

but thanks for the feed back...

actully u can help by leting me know whats wrong what i can fix and what i can do to make this better then it is....

im all ears hommie... no beef....

sarcasm?


you didn't get it...did you.

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Time is not long, and indecision is hells cemment. So the well is rented, untill heaven is relevant. Untill then, to be eloquent, sex cells, so le'ts cellibate.

"watch what you watchin...fox keeps feedin' us toxin's..stop sleepin' start thinkin outside of the box and unplug from the matrix doctrine....but watch what you say cause big brother is watchin" - nas - sly fox

The I.H.C.J.S.F.M.T.R.H.P.M.M.W.T.S.M.S.I.T.F.F.W.A.S. O Crew

^^^ nah i did....

just want to see what else he has to say.....

and since u still around peeping whatever it is people said about this....

answer me this...

why u still aint set up that battle yet???

scared??
nah i know u aint.... u the best...

*sarcasm*

don't think im going out of my way chieftoolbag.....it's called a subscribed thread...all i do is click twice..user cp..and than the threads with new posts....it automatically subscribes me to every thread i post in...and i havn't set the battle up...because i don't have to.when i get around to it...i get around to it

scared? of what? you will legitimately be the worst opponent i've ever faced

__________________

Time is not long, and indecision is hells cemment. So the well is rented, untill heaven is relevant. Untill then, to be eloquent, sex cells, so le'ts cellibate.

"watch what you watchin...fox keeps feedin' us toxin's..stop sleepin' start thinkin outside of the box and unplug from the matrix doctrine....but watch what you say cause big brother is watchin" - nas - sly fox

The I.H.C.J.S.F.M.T.R.H.P.M.M.W.T.S.M.S.I.T.F.F.W.A.S. O Crew

^^^^ HAHAHA..........

sure buddy.....
LOL..

i cant front u make me laugh cuz of how funny u is....

take a brake off rap it aint for you....
this is for people who is dedicated to it who battles to elevate who write open mic to elevate verses and verstility .....
stop front'in like u rapverse KING.... u FAR FROM IT.... EZ

hahaha, rap ain't for me? I understand hip hop in general....better than you ever will...how old are you? 9? rap is an action....an action everyone can take part in...it doesnt have to be for someone...it's like eating and breathing to me...it's not for me or not for me..it's just apart of me.

and yeah, this is for people who battle, and who write open mics......i don't battle, because most of the people who are any good at all, don't battle anymore...because of little kids like you, who have proven to not understand the elements of a good rap battle....as far as open mics? I've posted more open mics on this website...than 99% of everyone who's been through here.....and i'm still doing it..while moderating a crew and a few other parts of RV


it's people like ME...that allow you to even post here....it's people like ME...who are keeping this site available...and it's people like ME...who are keeping it alive.

You are not good, you fall into the majority as far as rv's members....and the majority right now, is a bunch of un-talented children who think they know how to rap..or write...because they watch b.e.t. and live in the suburbs of where the ghetto is.

YOU CANNOT BE GOOD AT RAPPING..WITHOUT BEING GOOD AT WRITING FIRST.....thats just how it is.....so you can say, fuck writing...but you are good at rapping....you're full of shit and show no understanding of art in general..

and as far as the king of rv?

i very well could be...i have only been beaten once...by "the best text head in rv's history"....and my verse was clearly better...only problem was i was knew..he was my first battle....and he was established....so people voted for him, so he would read their shit....instead of voting for who won....regardless..i havn't been beat since....not in topicals..not in audio...not in text...not in poetry..as a matter of fact....as far as legitimate..controlled battles....i don't remember ever being voted against...im sure it happened..but not often.....and asside from controlled battles..my wins are above 100....all of them...much more talented than you...even the people i battled knowing it was a waist of time.....were better than you

__________________

Time is not long, and indecision is hells cemment. So the well is rented, untill heaven is relevant. Untill then, to be eloquent, sex cells, so le'ts cellibate.

"watch what you watchin...fox keeps feedin' us toxin's..stop sleepin' start thinkin outside of the box and unplug from the matrix doctrine....but watch what you say cause big brother is watchin" - nas - sly fox

The I.H.C.J.S.F.M.T.R.H.P.M.M.W.T.S.M.S.I.T.F.F.W.A.S. O Crew

The other two verses are the kind of stuff where there's nothing specific I can tell you to help you improve. Your flow seems at home in those verses, and content will just improve automatically as you read more rhymes, hear more rhymes and write more rhymes.

This verse I quoted is where you went wrong. Most of it was totally forced, which dampens any impact it may have had. I'll explain... Multies are pretty hard to do, and if your vocabulary isn't up to par you will end up forcing your multies trying to sustain rhymes. Using words and phrases that are unrelated, disjointed, or out of place, solely for the sake of making the multies work. It's better to just forget about a multie and write lyrics that are harmonious than to force multies and end up with a verse that flows but doesn't really say anything.

A good way to go about it is to think of what you want to say and then make it rhyme. Going about things in this way means your piece will have maximum impact and really convey your point. It's things like this behind the scenes that make a real difference in rhyme quality. It works a lot better than thinking of a rhyme first and building lines around that, trying to fill up the space. It's all about impact. I'll do an example:

"cut ya with knives, you'll have blades stuck in ya eyes
rupture ya thighs and ill use your guts as a tie"

It rhymes, but it's completely stupid and it says nothing. Tell-tale sign of wackness. It's just filler. Instead of just randomly rhyming about violence, let's try thinking of a message to convey and then making it rhyme... I want to convey that after hearing my lyrics, the opponent will lose all will to live and kill themselves.

"Normally I target necks with knives, sneaking up from behind...
This time I'd rather spend my time bustin' a rhyme.
My aim's still the same, it won't be any less gory,
It's just that my game's so insane *insert name* will cut his throat for me."

Sure, it might not rhyme like the other one, but at least it has a clear-cut goal and some sort of impact. This is also just one of many ways to convey the original message. In constructing the lines, I had a lot of different options, and could pick whichever one I wanted to. I could have chosen another form of suicide, I could have used more multies, I could have condensed it to two lines. Just randomly flowing, or building lines around rhymes closes off your options and limits the potential of the lyrics.

I know your verse was intended as a diss to rev's style in that OM he dropped before, but I'm just saying this in case you want to improve your delivery of that style and incorporate it into your own.

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thanks for the best brake down of a ope mic i have ever seen...
u really focus u'r time into correcting everyline and useing the normal flowing rhyme an turn it into grater more detail punch with more impack with slightly less of a flow... i understand what u talking about... i will def try to improve that just need some time to pratics it....
thanks....

upp'in for more feed....

after what he said i dont think anyone else can leave any kind of feed i think he sum it all up lol.....

i thought it was okay....i mean started of simple with all the bullshit conversation, but once u jumped into the flow and diss shit got nicer i would say uve elevated alot man since i last seen your stuff....however u can still work on the delivery better.

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good looks on the feed back but i was just mocking him in this diss...
not really a focus diss to him or anything just more of me jocking down whatever came to mind so... but i feel u... but this wasnt my best at all if thats what u thinking...

but good looks on the feed...

thanks for the feed everyone....

i'll be making another open mic diss soon...

you better watch out...

it might be about YOU~~!!!