Damn this raw this really touch me this is all true thanks

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Lunatic

I peeped this on RNR (and I think I replied to it there as well).


In either case, this was sexy.


I love stories.

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Yeah I just noticed that after I responded to yours, good look dogg.

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<center>Deja Vu

..Remember These Dope Kids?..

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yeah you defenitely suck.. cant rhyme even bars, fuckin ameteur

this was alright, i enjoyed it enough to read the whole thing, good imagery, saw a couple good worplay lines, and a nice topic. i do have one complaint though, it was very hard to catch the flow, maybe its just because i'm used to the simplistic structures, but throughout the whole thing i kept losing it. i dunno, prolly just me, judging by the rest of the feedback. but good drop, enjoyable, possible om of the month. who knows, ill hook it up with the nomination bro.

This wasn't the normal AB rhyme scheme. I basically did two bars in a row with a straight flow, the next would pause, and it would repeat itself. It sounds better on beat. Thanks for the replies and nomination.

FINAL UPPS.

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<center>Deja Vu

..Remember These Dope Kids?..

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Well told story - minor structure issues - saw a few lines that needed to be evened - but nice overall. One thing is that some lines were phrased awkwardly to make them rhyme - that's it for the critic. I like the way you split it up and gave the different viewpoints. I think you could have elaborated just a bit more so there wouldn't be any questions left over about motives and what not. I mean once you've already written 150 lines or so a few more won't hurt. I know I said I was done criticizing - Nice piece - if you get a chance hit my "Broken Metamorphosis"

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Personal Testament 3 (100 Bars)
Befuddlement
Broken Metamorphosis
Cud