need work on ya RYHME SCHEME N STRUCTURE..
WORK ON YA CONTENT IN YA BARS N IT'LL READ BETTER ..

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i'll play on ya consience, ya contents is complete nonsense
speak of biting, then you fucks flip everyone of my damn concepts
what the fuck, was you high..?
did you think i wouldn't recognize lines that i made
then you come up some bullshit tryna prove that im gay...!
.
.
fake fucks..move on...!

thanks man finaly someone ,,,ill work on it

DaZ is right, you need to work on ya rhyme scheme and structure big time homie...

the / after every bar dont cut it, shorten ya bars, dont stretch them out so much and also work on ya rhyming. overall i think you could have some potential if you work at it and dont stop elevating... dont wory, youll get there... PM me if you want help elevating and id be glad to give ya some pointers. ~1~

"It Takes Time To Make Shit Rhyme But It Aint A Crime Dying For Lying/
But My Mind Is Sleeping Height To Nine So Im Trying To Figure How's Working/"
LYING AND WORKING DON'T RHYME.U WERE KINDA OFF FROM THE START.I GOT THE JIST OF IT BUT U GOTTA MAKE IT SO I DON'T HAVE TO WORK SO HARD TO DO SO.
UR WORDS DIDN'T FLOW TOGETHER WELL EITHER.I ENJOYED READING THIS BUT U DIDN'T GIVE THIS UR ALL.NEEDS IMPROVEMENT.5/10.KEEP EM COMIN'.

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I'm like CHUCKy dyin' to live in the flesh free of the BATTERY,
ASSAULT n ROBBERY rapidly,wishin' cupid would clap at me
N lift this evil spell so I can experience happilly evil backwards-see(down there)
EVIL............backwards =............LIVE

aight u strectching ya lines too much...

you should have two rymes lines to complete a bar it dont sound like a rap it sounds more like poetry...

i got WHAT U SAYING THO

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http://community.rapverse.com/showbattlethread.php?t=177925

http://community.rapverse.com/showbattlethread.php?t=160715

thanks too everyone...i got to admit that it looks like poetry :s..anyway thanks too all of ya