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Old 07-16-05, 01:14 PM   #1
veyetal
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if by complex you mean forced....then yes.

you really need to improve your wording and flow....you dont have to rhyme twice on a line, because alot of the time, if comes off as cheesey and forced. no offense, you have nice concepts, you just need some tuning to make it more effective

dizzee, i enjoyed your verse man, closer was funny, nice concepts, and you made them work.....well done

v/dizzee
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Old 07-16-05, 01:36 PM   #2
Artik Phrost
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^ i rhyme twice on a line...becuz thats HOW I DO IT sometimes....thats how i want to do it....i cud very very split each line into two lines....would that make the wordin easier?....im not shortening my lines...or spittin different...imma be me....
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Old 07-17-05, 01:04 PM   #3
veyetal
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Artik Phrost
^ i rhyme twice on a line...becuz thats HOW I DO IT sometimes....thats how i want to do it....i cud very very split each line into two lines....would that make the wordin easier?....im not shortening my lines...or spittin different...imma be me....


i didn't say shorten them......i said your shit is forced, and fuckin stupid to read because your rhyme scheme is basic and forced

you wanna elevate? then change your fuckin structure up, cause you have a shitty way of doing things; you have good concepts, but you're ruining your shit with forced multies and horrible wording

FORCED
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Old 07-16-05, 01:40 PM   #4
Artik Phrost
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ight, one of yu tell me how yu would write it?....put on of my bars in yur terms.....
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Old 07-16-05, 01:46 PM   #5
Dizzee Rascal
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Personally i thought Artiks verse was fyre but im used 2 her flow though
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Old 07-16-05, 01:53 PM   #6
Artik Phrost
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^im not trippin dizzee...theyve never lyked my style...especially back when i used all the |*...!!//

yu've elevated....i respects that
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Old 07-16-05, 02:01 PM   #7
Dizzee Rascal
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..........werd
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Old 07-18-05, 03:15 AM   #8
Magic5
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Dizzee Rascal wins by KO.
Artik Phrost loses.
 
Old 07-18-05, 03:16 AM   #9
Magic5
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This thread is now closed.
 
Old 07-18-05, 03:16 AM   #10
Magic5
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Moved to Closed Battles.
 
 


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