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Old 08-02-05, 12:19 PM   #1
Dervla
Poet's Daughter.
 
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Uppin..........
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mystery Is a Freak!!

ITawAPuddyKat: Yeah, I guess. But I won't be a Lesbo for life.
Smartone Freal: oh so u DO have plans of turnin str8
ITawAPuddyKat: Well Yes, Yes I do.
Smartone Freal:
ITawAPuddyKat: Lol, all smiles aren't we? Lol
Smartone Freal: lol yea i cant hide what i think bout u
Smartone Freal:
ITawAPuddyKat: ...Oh, what DO you think about me? Lol
Smartone Freal: lol sorry thats private
ITawAPuddyKat: EWWWWWWW..*Sigged*
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Old 08-02-05, 01:16 PM   #2
Cocaine
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hmmm... this was a decent piece overall.. i could see what u were trying to do with it.. u just didnt execute ur thoughts very well... ur metaphor's were nice.. but not used in the best ways.. and i think u need to work on ur grammar a bit.. it makes for an easier read...
well overall i know u can do better but this piece was decent. 6.5/10
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Old 08-02-05, 01:18 PM   #3
Dervla
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Cool Uppin.....
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mystery Is a Freak!!

ITawAPuddyKat: Yeah, I guess. But I won't be a Lesbo for life.
Smartone Freal: oh so u DO have plans of turnin str8
ITawAPuddyKat: Well Yes, Yes I do.
Smartone Freal:
ITawAPuddyKat: Lol, all smiles aren't we? Lol
Smartone Freal: lol yea i cant hide what i think bout u
Smartone Freal:
ITawAPuddyKat: ...Oh, what DO you think about me? Lol
Smartone Freal: lol sorry thats private
ITawAPuddyKat: EWWWWWWW..*Sigged*
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Old 08-02-05, 01:35 PM   #4
MADDRAPPER
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good for poetry heads but not even rap at all just didn't rhyme enough i just wonder is the poetry site empty boy do we have some stuff on this board for them like this piece right here no atrtitude just soft like jell-o
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Old 08-02-05, 01:41 PM   #5
Dervla
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^^ Um........You stupid...That is all......Bye
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mystery Is a Freak!!

ITawAPuddyKat: Yeah, I guess. But I won't be a Lesbo for life.
Smartone Freal: oh so u DO have plans of turnin str8
ITawAPuddyKat: Well Yes, Yes I do.
Smartone Freal:
ITawAPuddyKat: Lol, all smiles aren't we? Lol
Smartone Freal: lol yea i cant hide what i think bout u
Smartone Freal:
ITawAPuddyKat: ...Oh, what DO you think about me? Lol
Smartone Freal: lol sorry thats private
ITawAPuddyKat: EWWWWWWW..*Sigged*
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Old 08-02-05, 01:43 PM   #6
MADDRAPPER
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need dto get ghetto with this bring some action
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Old 08-02-05, 01:46 PM   #7
Dervla
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Would you please leave?.........Seriously. Thank you.
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mystery Is a Freak!!

ITawAPuddyKat: Yeah, I guess. But I won't be a Lesbo for life.
Smartone Freal: oh so u DO have plans of turnin str8
ITawAPuddyKat: Well Yes, Yes I do.
Smartone Freal:
ITawAPuddyKat: Lol, all smiles aren't we? Lol
Smartone Freal: lol yea i cant hide what i think bout u
Smartone Freal:
ITawAPuddyKat: ...Oh, what DO you think about me? Lol
Smartone Freal: lol sorry thats private
ITawAPuddyKat: EWWWWWWW..*Sigged*
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Old 08-02-05, 01:58 PM   #8
Germ
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remember when you dont return favours though?
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Old 08-02-05, 08:32 PM   #9
Kawn Flixx
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This was a pretty tight peice..yorus tructure was good..your flow was on point..you had nice emotions..and good feeling going into your drop..i could really see that you took time out to do this drop..and i really thank you for that ...You also had nice imagery..and nice wordplay and vocab usuage.. Keep it up
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Old 08-02-05, 11:32 PM   #10
Dervla
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Thanx........Uppin....
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mystery Is a Freak!!

ITawAPuddyKat: Yeah, I guess. But I won't be a Lesbo for life.
Smartone Freal: oh so u DO have plans of turnin str8
ITawAPuddyKat: Well Yes, Yes I do.
Smartone Freal:
ITawAPuddyKat: Lol, all smiles aren't we? Lol
Smartone Freal: lol yea i cant hide what i think bout u
Smartone Freal:
ITawAPuddyKat: ...Oh, what DO you think about me? Lol
Smartone Freal: lol sorry thats private
ITawAPuddyKat: EWWWWWWW..*Sigged*
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Old 08-03-05, 12:46 AM   #11
Christianite
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From: Bootheel of MO
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this was good man, imagery was very good, emotion was good, flow and structure were good, keep it up man
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i come from a time when you earned respect,
for your rhyme and the way you made words connect,
not the money that you made or the girls you sexed,
a concept you obviously haven't heard of yet
Mars Ill
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Old 08-03-05, 08:00 PM   #12
Dervla
Poet's Daughter.
 
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Posts: 360
IP:

Thank you. Uppin.
__________________
mystery Is a Freak!!

ITawAPuddyKat: Yeah, I guess. But I won't be a Lesbo for life.
Smartone Freal: oh so u DO have plans of turnin str8
ITawAPuddyKat: Well Yes, Yes I do.
Smartone Freal:
ITawAPuddyKat: Lol, all smiles aren't we? Lol
Smartone Freal: lol yea i cant hide what i think bout u
Smartone Freal:
ITawAPuddyKat: ...Oh, what DO you think about me? Lol
Smartone Freal: lol sorry thats private
ITawAPuddyKat: EWWWWWWW..*Sigged*
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Old 08-03-05, 11:09 PM   #13
Sean Gunner
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I liked this piece, your take on a killer was nice, but your similies were becoming kinda tedious. One or two is fine, but I don't like everything being a metaphor or similie. Be straight up sometimes. The imagery was nice and so was the emotion. Overall, this piece was definately worth the read, but try re wording your hook.
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Old 08-04-05, 11:00 AM   #14
Dervla
Poet's Daughter.
 
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Posts: 360
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Thank you. Uppin.
__________________
mystery Is a Freak!!

ITawAPuddyKat: Yeah, I guess. But I won't be a Lesbo for life.
Smartone Freal: oh so u DO have plans of turnin str8
ITawAPuddyKat: Well Yes, Yes I do.
Smartone Freal:
ITawAPuddyKat: Lol, all smiles aren't we? Lol
Smartone Freal: lol yea i cant hide what i think bout u
Smartone Freal:
ITawAPuddyKat: ...Oh, what DO you think about me? Lol
Smartone Freal: lol sorry thats private
ITawAPuddyKat: EWWWWWWW..*Sigged*
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