damn, this is one of the best open mics i have seen in a long time. i dont know what to tell you that could make it better cause you wrtie better then me, but this whole piece was nice. nice vocab, nice flow, nice orignial concept, dont know what else to say but this was nice.

check out mine "my light" leave some feedback.

BTW dont leave we need more talented writters here

i will reply to your piece...
when did i say that this site needs more talented writters?...i know that this board has a good deal of talent that is loyal to the board. look at the first four replies that i have on this thread though, in my opinion, this verse deserved more feedback than "i smoke cigerettes"....
personaly, i dont waste the time to reply on a piece unlesss;
1: it was outstanding, and i am giving compliments to it...or
2: i see room for improvement in the piece...then i point that out.

if i came off as an ass then forgive me, but really, does it make sence for a open mic piece to get slept on?.,....hell no...
look at what it says right below open mic in the main section..."drop a piece....get critiqued"

haha, Aiight, I read it and I laughed, and then I was like 'funny, true...wow'...


Mutha fucka! Did you win the tourny?!?! ...Should'av...


God...Damn, magnifcent.

This piece made me hate you (not you, but the person who you were writing as, the Cigarette Company Guy).
It made me want to praise you (the writer this time lol).

I'm not good at giving advice or anything...Only advice I can give is write, best thing to do, best way to improve. All I can really say other than that is this was great.