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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
12-05-03, 05:32 PM
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#16
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Guest
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IP: F728 AFD0
Very nice man... I like the part "A whisper being shouted" that says a whole lot. Your vocab was good and rhyme scheme was nice. It seemed like you lack transition from some of your lines but it was still a good peice.
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12-05-03, 05:52 PM
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#17
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Guest
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IP: 590F A4F0
/\ thanks man and about transition...the first line says it all deep thoughts creep in...its like this piece is about thoughts bombarding my brain like just bam bam bam thought after thought...if you think about it that is how we think...one thing right now and completly different thing a minute later
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12-05-03, 05:57 PM
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#18
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Guest
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IP: 4191 D1DC
ye im with y_not on this one that shit what fuckin off the hook.
the conflict in words and metaphores was great. it painted a great picture. "I'm dead awake sleeping" and others like that we perfect great job. |
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12-05-03, 06:31 PM
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#19
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Guest
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IP: 590F A4F0
/\ thanks
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12-06-03, 05:22 AM
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#20
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Guest
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IP: 590F A4F0
/\ gay feed
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12-06-03, 05:19 PM
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#21
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BANNED
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Re: Chaos of Conflicting Thoughts
IP: 4577 CD9A
Quote:
ight the whole opening was real dope your whole vocab fit threw verse perfect and your flow was str8 fire then at the ending it gave me the idea of the whole concept reeal well which i thought it was rreally ILL..... good job afterall 9/10 |
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12-06-03, 06:24 PM
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#22
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Guest
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IP: 0D29 2657
thanks man/\ i appreciate it
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01-24-04, 02:55 AM
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#23
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Banned
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IP: 4D62 B819
Yeah i agree with Y_Not this was real good man.....you structured this nicely i thought.......your flow was a bit off but it made up for itself with your multies i liked those man....i was feeling this as i read through it, it made me think about things....Your vocab in this was nice man, keep at that...and your imaginary was good in this.....overall this was a nice piece....keep at it.
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