Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio |
01-14-04, 05:27 PM | #16 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: 590F A4F0
This piece was cool...the flow is straight i read this to beat and
it flowed just fine...your internal are very subtle...which isn't good or bad it't just rather different...one thing you should work on is the standard metaphors people use...strive for metaphors within metaphors<<not sure if you will get that, but you will soon enough the ending was nice, and was not abrupt like most pieces here are good drop...keep at it, one thing i didnt feel was emotion though i don't know why just didn't...when you can make people feel the emotion that is when you know you have reached a level of precise thought.... good job |
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01-14-04, 05:30 PM | #17 | ||||||
wanna play doctor????????
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IP: DFB8 2D7C
ahhh i loved it.. i wish i coulda thought of a topic like this to write about...
anyways... you hit this great... i like how you layed it out night day day/night that was dope... content was very well done in this piece... i liked that it wasn't a whole fuckin novel too... and it was a good read... good flow... i was flowin it in my head to like a nas approach n it was dope lol so yeah.. dope piece my man |
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01-14-04, 05:59 PM | #18 | ||||||
Fuck You, I'm Iller
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IP: 843C 2CD1
Legends? lol
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01-14-04, 06:00 PM | #19 | ||||
Eddy.
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IP: 77D5 6AAD
No.
flow was choppy.. = ) .. Meh .. was nice read tho
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01-14-04, 06:02 PM | #20 | ||||||
Fuck You, I'm Iller
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IP: 843C 2CD1
Choppy flow?
You should let it flow over a good beat
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<center> Did I Beat You Before? Yeah, Probably -An Original RB Member: Yes, We're That Much Better- |
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01-14-04, 06:04 PM | #21 | ||||
Eddy.
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IP: 77D5 6AAD
Its a text topical writtin..
Make it a track = ) ..shud be dope.
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Fuck you |
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01-14-04, 06:04 PM | #22 | ||||||
Fuck You, I'm Iller
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IP: 843C 2CD1
I may at some point...
Although I'd need another head for one of the verses.
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01-14-04, 06:07 PM | #23 | ||||
Eddy.
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IP: 77D5 6AAD
Deacon = ) ?
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01-14-04, 06:08 PM | #24 | ||||||
Fuck You, I'm Iller
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IP: 843C 2CD1
possibly
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<center> Did I Beat You Before? Yeah, Probably -An Original RB Member: Yes, We're That Much Better- |
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01-14-04, 06:09 PM | #25 | ||||
Eddy.
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IP: 77D5 6AAD
Dope , stop freeposting :@ ..
Up^
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01-14-04, 07:30 PM | #26 | |||||||
See ya.
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IP: 399E F0FD
Extremely interesting how my opinions of this story's two characters changed with every line; maybe, it's because I am the pure median between the two . Conceptually and idealistically, this was outstanding . However, you could use some works with mechanics - but can't we all ? The two characters have decidedly-biased and different opinions, which makes for a good start . The ideas were good enough to make me mad that I didn't explore this topic first . Towards the end, though, it seemed like the topic got stretched a bit thin . I think it was partially intentional, but the way that you phrased the dialogue between the two gave me a chuckle . Truthfully, you're getting better with every piece that you drop, & that's the only way to get better . Keep going, man - Peace.
Quality
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01-14-04, 08:17 PM | #27 | |||||||
ShO-Nuff. Fuckers
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IP: 4577 CD9A
wow sir-E interesting read here, The artist formely known as ..comes through
were his former self rarely came to. Open mic, Nice shit is on point throught didnt bore me, kept me focused "very hard to do". I really enjoyed this and the twist at the end was nice props...
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01-14-04, 10:11 PM | #28 | ||||||
Fuck You, I'm Iller
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IP: 843C 2CD1
Uhh...
...Ping!
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01-14-04, 10:56 PM | #29 | |||
Like Whoa...
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IP: 3273 E58A
Legends aren't made every day.....lucky for you today is not ordinary----lol....
^^^ Nuff said... Loved everything about it |
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01-14-04, 11:04 PM | #30 | |||||||
RI's prodical son
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IP: C1DA C961
I wish I could herd these mindless followers into oncoming trucks
Then this shit would be fixed. No more idiots to bore me. Damn so true lol...this had me rolling.. Thats it! I'm taking over 24 hours as I'm the true soldier. Please just stick to nights, its hard enough being bi-polar. LOL..once again nice line here..i can relate to this lol...very nice Overall very good rhyme scheme and good flow...Some funny moments as i wrote above...liked it alot...keep spittin..props 8.0/10
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