RapVerse.com Community
 Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End RV Radio  

Go Back   RapVerse.com Community > Fresh From The Lab > Textual Releases
User Name
Password
FAQ Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 01-14-04, 05:27 PM   #16
Emerge
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Joined:
Status:
Text Record: 0-1
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: 590F A4F0

This piece was cool...the flow is straight i read this to beat and
it flowed just fine...your internal are very subtle...which isn't good
or bad it't just rather different...one thing you should work on is
the standard metaphors people use...strive for metaphors within
metaphors<<not sure if you will get that, but you will soon enough
the ending was nice, and was not abrupt like most pieces here are
good drop...keep at it, one thing i didnt feel was emotion though
i don't know why just didn't...when you can make people feel the
emotion that is when you know you have reached a level of
precise thought....

good job
  Reply With Quote
Old 01-14-04, 05:30 PM   #17
Thrust
wanna play doctor????????
 
Thrust's Avatar
 
Posts: 16
Joined: Sep 2003
Status: Offline
Text Record: 6-10
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: DFB8 2D7C

ahhh i loved it.. i wish i coulda thought of a topic like this to write about...
anyways... you hit this great... i like how you layed it out
night
day

day/night

that was dope... content was very well done in this piece...
i liked that it wasn't a whole fuckin novel too...
and it was a good read... good flow...
i was flowin it in my head to like a nas approach n it was dope lol


so yeah.. dope piece my man
  Reply With Quote
Old 01-14-04, 05:59 PM   #18
Trapt Wit
Fuck You, I'm Iller
 
Trapt Wit's Avatar
 
Posts: 1,561
Joined: Mar 2003
Status: Offline
Text Record: 3-0
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: 843C 2CD1

Legends? lol
__________________
<center>

Did I Beat You Before?
Yeah, Probably


-An Original RB Member: Yes, We're That Much Better-
  Reply With Quote
Old 01-14-04, 06:00 PM   #19
Edicius
Eddy.
 
Edicius's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,950
Joined: Jun 2003
From: o.O Tssk. O.o
Status: Offline
IP: 77D5 6AAD

No.

flow was choppy.. = ) ..

Meh .. was nice read tho
__________________
Fuck you
Send a message via ICQ to Edicius Send a message via AIM to Edicius Send a message via Yahoo to Edicius   Reply With Quote
Old 01-14-04, 06:02 PM   #20
Trapt Wit
Fuck You, I'm Iller
 
Trapt Wit's Avatar
 
Posts: 1,561
Joined: Mar 2003
Status: Offline
Text Record: 3-0
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: 843C 2CD1

Choppy flow?

You should let it flow over a good beat
__________________
<center>

Did I Beat You Before?
Yeah, Probably


-An Original RB Member: Yes, We're That Much Better-
  Reply With Quote
Old 01-14-04, 06:04 PM   #21
Edicius
Eddy.
 
Edicius's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,950
Joined: Jun 2003
From: o.O Tssk. O.o
Status: Offline
IP: 77D5 6AAD

Its a text topical writtin..

Make it a track = ) ..shud be dope.
__________________
Fuck you
Send a message via ICQ to Edicius Send a message via AIM to Edicius Send a message via Yahoo to Edicius   Reply With Quote
Old 01-14-04, 06:04 PM   #22
Trapt Wit
Fuck You, I'm Iller
 
Trapt Wit's Avatar
 
Posts: 1,561
Joined: Mar 2003
Status: Offline
Text Record: 3-0
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: 843C 2CD1

I may at some point...
Although I'd need another head for one of the verses.
__________________
<center>

Did I Beat You Before?
Yeah, Probably


-An Original RB Member: Yes, We're That Much Better-
  Reply With Quote
Old 01-14-04, 06:07 PM   #23
Edicius
Eddy.
 
Edicius's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,950
Joined: Jun 2003
From: o.O Tssk. O.o
Status: Offline
IP: 77D5 6AAD

Deacon = ) ?
__________________
Fuck you
Send a message via ICQ to Edicius Send a message via AIM to Edicius Send a message via Yahoo to Edicius   Reply With Quote
Old 01-14-04, 06:08 PM   #24
Trapt Wit
Fuck You, I'm Iller
 
Trapt Wit's Avatar
 
Posts: 1,561
Joined: Mar 2003
Status: Offline
Text Record: 3-0
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: 843C 2CD1

possibly
__________________
<center>

Did I Beat You Before?
Yeah, Probably


-An Original RB Member: Yes, We're That Much Better-
  Reply With Quote
Old 01-14-04, 06:09 PM   #25
Edicius
Eddy.
 
Edicius's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,950
Joined: Jun 2003
From: o.O Tssk. O.o
Status: Offline
IP: 77D5 6AAD

Dope , stop freeposting :@ ..

Up^
__________________
Fuck you
Send a message via ICQ to Edicius Send a message via AIM to Edicius Send a message via Yahoo to Edicius   Reply With Quote
Old 01-14-04, 07:30 PM   #26
Koalatee
See ya.
 
Koalatee's Avatar
 
Posts: 424
Joined: Nov 2003
From: Eastern Seaboard
Status: Offline
Text Record: 0-0
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: 399E F0FD

Extremely interesting how my opinions of this story's two characters changed with every line; maybe, it's because I am the pure median between the two . Conceptually and idealistically, this was outstanding . However, you could use some works with mechanics - but can't we all ? The two characters have decidedly-biased and different opinions, which makes for a good start . The ideas were good enough to make me mad that I didn't explore this topic first . Towards the end, though, it seemed like the topic got stretched a bit thin . I think it was partially intentional, but the way that you phrased the dialogue between the two gave me a chuckle . Truthfully, you're getting better with every piece that you drop, & that's the only way to get better . Keep going, man - Peace.

Quality
__________________
Word for Word
Kevin - Patrick - Alex - John - Ian
. . the artists formerly known as Word Perfect . .
Still > you.

R h y m e | V a n t a g e
  Reply With Quote
Old 01-14-04, 08:17 PM   #27
K.Largo
ShO-Nuff. Fuckers
 
K.Largo's Avatar
 
Posts: 1,263
Joined: Mar 2003
From: Finland
Status: Offline
Text Record: 29-9
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: 4577 CD9A

wow sir-E interesting read here, The artist formely known as ..comes through
were his former self rarely came to. Open mic, Nice shit is on point throught didnt bore me, kept me focused "very hard to do". I really enjoyed this and the twist at the end was nice props...
__________________
MerK SquAd.

<center><img src=http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/attachment.php?attachmentid=8889&stc=1></center>
Send a message via AIM to K.Largo Send a message via Yahoo to K.Largo   Reply With Quote
Old 01-14-04, 10:11 PM   #28
Trapt Wit
Fuck You, I'm Iller
 
Trapt Wit's Avatar
 
Posts: 1,561
Joined: Mar 2003
Status: Offline
Text Record: 3-0
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: 843C 2CD1

Uhh...


...Ping!
__________________
<center>

Did I Beat You Before?
Yeah, Probably


-An Original RB Member: Yes, We're That Much Better-
  Reply With Quote
Old 01-14-04, 10:56 PM   #29
UnEmceeable
Like Whoa...
 
UnEmceeable's Avatar
 
Posts: 555
Joined: Mar 2003
Status: Offline
IP: 3273 E58A

Legends aren't made every day.....lucky for you today is not ordinary----lol....

^^^
Nuff said... Loved everything about it
Send a message via AIM to UnEmceeable   Reply With Quote
Old 01-14-04, 11:04 PM   #30
BaG oF SkILLz
RI's prodical son
 
BaG oF SkILLz's Avatar
 
Posts: 46
Joined: Dec 2003
From: Providence RI
Status: Offline
Text Record: 0-0
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: C1DA C961

I wish I could herd these mindless followers into oncoming trucks
Then this shit would be fixed. No more idiots to bore me.


Damn so true lol...this had me rolling..

Thats it! I'm taking over 24 hours as I'm the true soldier.
Please just stick to nights, its hard enough being bi-polar.

LOL..once again nice line here..i can relate to this lol...very nice


Overall very good rhyme scheme and good flow...Some funny moments as i wrote above...liked it alot...keep spittin..props

8.0/10
__________________
Zero effects
Send a message via AIM to BaG oF SkILLz Send a message via Yahoo to BaG oF SkILLz   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 11:30 AM.

Powered by vBulletin.
Copyright © 2000-2004 Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.