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Old 05-20-05, 01:57 PM   #1
Kawn Flixx
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This was a decent drop.. could have been alot better.. if
you would have used some creativity.. "Hard times"..
A very commen topic, but you didnt express in good wording ,
how hard those times were , and what happen to you in those times
You did say why it was hard times , but i just felt you could have elaborated more
Structure was off, it wasnt hepling the reader at all.. Vocab
and worplay usuage was decent, but could have been alot better. ..keep
it up
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Old 05-20-05, 04:06 PM   #2
Recluse
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CA$per
CHORUS-thirteen years old i was up in jail.....
my moms couldnt pay tha price of my bail...
a young kid tryin to make it in that place....
but i looked to god,and never lost faith.....
VERSE 1-
it started as a youth trying to do sumthing new.....
but if i only knew tha path was bout to pursue....
in and out of trouble faster than a premature load....
people tried to reach me,its like there words were morse code....
so i kept doin drugs and killing my family life.....
i ------ up there life,cut there hearts like a knife....
i could feel tha tension at home,gettin thicker by tha hour.....
but they could only stand and watch,as if on an observation tower..
but every single day,as i watched my life fade away......
i was causing a massacer,like that one valintines day....

CHORUS-thirteen years old i was up in jail.....
my moms couldnt pay tha price of my bail...
a young kid tryin to make it in that place....
but i looked to god,and never lost faith.....
VERSE 2-
with tha drugs come jail,i was in tha pen like ink.....
that shit aint very classy,when yo toilets your sink....
id scrap my tooth brush on tha floor so i would feel secure....
knowing i could be shanked at night,i was never to sure....
eighteen months in tha box,only outside an hour a day....
id get beat,theyd put moves on me like it was a basket ball play....
but like i said at tha first yall,never loose faith in wut u believe....
cuz if ya dont give a shit youll be inna box on christmas eve...
now i got sum shit straight i only smoke cronic and drink....
but im still not all here,i sizzled sum wires on that binge i think.....

CHORUS-thirteen years old i was up in jail.....
my moms couldnt pay tha price of my bail...
a young kid tryin to make it in that place....
but i looked to god,and never lost faith.....
peace yall


^ya i felt ya shit there...nice wordplay and good structure...overall i think it would sound dope in audio format....~1~
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Old 05-20-05, 07:23 PM   #3
Recluse
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Uppin fo dis nigga..........
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Old 05-23-05, 02:52 AM   #4
Murdah.txt
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uppin to tha top......................................
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Old 05-25-05, 12:57 AM   #5
Murdah.txt
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to tha top^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
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Old 05-25-05, 04:14 PM   #6
Murdah.txt
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upp to tha top.......................................
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Old 05-26-05, 11:28 AM   #7
Murdah.txt
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Bump.............................................. ........
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Old 05-27-05, 03:12 PM   #8
Murdah.txt
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upp to tha top.................................
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