Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio |
02-13-06, 09:08 AM | #796 | ||||
is back...
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IP: CAEE 0224
Quote:
if you don't mind a critique... this was pretty hot... flow wasn't bad for text... this could be a sick verse with a few key elements added... 1. develope the story... not the topic... if you understand what I'm saying... listen to Jay Z - Meet the parents... the topic was... mom, dad split... dad never met his son... son followed dad's footsteps and blah blah blah blah... the story was built around that... naw mean..? www.soundclick.com/imethemixtape listen to rick jordan... it's the 2nd part to a song called Mark Anthony... but without hearing Mark Anthony you can still get the story... 2. delivery, structure & flow... not bad... you can go through and cut some words out so it flows alot better... and move some things around to change it up... add a lil freeway in there naw mean... ie: fend to lose breath, if I don't swim out of this. My mind blurry... looking into a screene with full of "rice", hard as I can, swimming shit... my arms are weak ...it's to deep, startin to sink... Im losin the fight, 3. Maybe add some empty space... (this would be done more so in audio) such as... (I'll try to explain... the periods that I will use right now are spaces...) ie: bold letters in a paper, put me to sleep I leave u with this tape to see................plus a loud bang, now everything changed, lips sealed again, can't reverse one mistake...................... and my life is over... I hope this helped... if not... no worries. |
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02-13-06, 03:45 PM | #797 | |||
Poet's Daughter.
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IP: 0D59 3279
Thanks av, I appreciate your crit.
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mystery Is a Freak!! ITawAPuddyKat: Yeah, I guess. But I won't be a Lesbo for life. Smartone Freal: oh so u DO have plans of turnin str8 ITawAPuddyKat: Well Yes, Yes I do. Smartone Freal: ITawAPuddyKat: Lol, all smiles aren't we? Lol Smartone Freal: lol yea i cant hide what i think bout u Smartone Freal: ITawAPuddyKat: ...Oh, what DO you think about me? Lol Smartone Freal: lol sorry thats private ITawAPuddyKat: EWWWWWWW..*Sigged* |
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02-13-06, 06:27 PM | #798 | ||||||
"Click Clack"
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IP: CC51 5938
yo dv...for that collab you want to spit just one verse right?
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O Know, He's Back!
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02-13-06, 07:01 PM | #799 | ||||
RV SPOTLIGHT, GET AT ME!
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IP: A492 0904
How many verses should I spit, cuz all i got is the hotnesssssssssssssssssss.
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I had to get a new couch, but as you can see the fun continues! A.I.
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02-13-06, 08:54 PM | #800 | ||||||
"Click Clack"
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IP: CC51 5938
whats up Vango!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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O Know, He's Back!
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02-13-06, 09:04 PM | #801 | |||
Poet's Daughter.
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IP: 0D59 3279
Hey................Key rogue you need to clean this forum up, and we need to get back into crew battling ya know, seems to me TE is a good choice.
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mystery Is a Freak!! ITawAPuddyKat: Yeah, I guess. But I won't be a Lesbo for life. Smartone Freal: oh so u DO have plans of turnin str8 ITawAPuddyKat: Well Yes, Yes I do. Smartone Freal: ITawAPuddyKat: Lol, all smiles aren't we? Lol Smartone Freal: lol yea i cant hide what i think bout u Smartone Freal: ITawAPuddyKat: ...Oh, what DO you think about me? Lol Smartone Freal: lol sorry thats private ITawAPuddyKat: EWWWWWWW..*Sigged* Last edited by §ÄþþØ : 02-13-06 at 10:05 PM. |
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02-14-06, 02:30 PM | #802 | |||||||
You Love My Style.
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IP: 0420 E190
Yea i agree this will be cleaned asap.
and Revoke spit one verse yes than hook than i spit another verse Vango whats up homey...when u gettin back to abusing kids in text?
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Quote:
Authentik Intelligence O. Y. D. |
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02-14-06, 02:59 PM | #803 | |||||
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IP: 7AD2 3C06
Indeph and FuxJustaWord didn't show up last night @ the battle in the chi, and I was gonna get him in the club because they weren't checkin IDs unless you were 21 and older... and I was one of the people @ the door. -_- Maybe another day.
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02-14-06, 03:56 PM | #804 | |||||
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IP: 7AD2 3C06
wtf @ Limited Edition's supposedly dead. That's messed up, fa real. I used to talk to him on msn messenger with my free time. I hope it's all a terrible joke.
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02-14-06, 04:02 PM | #805 | |||||
Black Poet
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IP: 7BC4 5A05
Sup Lady,.. it's well fucked up !! I know he was well down last week but
thats the last thing you want to here isn't it. I hope he's alright. |
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02-14-06, 04:12 PM | #806 | |||||
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IP: 7AD2 3C06
yeah i hope so too.......... = (
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02-14-06, 04:15 PM | #807 | |||
Poet's Daughter.
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IP: D600 35F1
Meh, none of my 'lesbo' friends ain't got me nuttin, nuttin!!!!!!!!!! but i got them teddy bears and shit, blah, w/e karen taken me out to a special place tonight, i'm still pissed at the fact that none of my friends got me nuttin, blah, i should have no friends and stay watching my enimies.
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mystery Is a Freak!! ITawAPuddyKat: Yeah, I guess. But I won't be a Lesbo for life. Smartone Freal: oh so u DO have plans of turnin str8 ITawAPuddyKat: Well Yes, Yes I do. Smartone Freal: ITawAPuddyKat: Lol, all smiles aren't we? Lol Smartone Freal: lol yea i cant hide what i think bout u Smartone Freal: ITawAPuddyKat: ...Oh, what DO you think about me? Lol Smartone Freal: lol sorry thats private ITawAPuddyKat: EWWWWWWW..*Sigged* |
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02-14-06, 08:41 PM | #808 | |||||||
You Love My Style.
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IP: 4933 DB0E
wow lady limited dead? when where and how..
i aint updated with this rv news lately...and fux and the other kid was suppose to see ya at the club? ..lol shit fill us in...am lost.. Critic my dawg why dont u collab wit lola...about certain open mic that would be nice.. Lola...haha none of ya friends got ya nothing not atleast chocalate thats harsh...i took wifey out
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Quote:
Authentik Intelligence O. Y. D. |
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02-14-06, 09:02 PM | #809 | ||||||
"Click Clack"
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IP: CC51 5938
lol.....ima have my verse in soon....Fiya!
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O Know, He's Back!
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