its overly simplistic.like one "verse" should be like one or two lines....u didnt take the idea far enough for me.then u just throw something in at the end where u were going with it the whole time.but u should have elaborated more.
it was just too short,too simple,vocab was just very elementary.i'm guessing u were trying to be unique so i'll give u a point for that

correct me if i'm wrong,cuz i always fuckin hated poetry in school but i believe u are tryin to say u're a dog inside n u wanna fuck around but u cant cuz of ur chick i mean.......i just think u could have done more with the idea of it....................................

Actually, your breakdown is completely opposite.

It's about having fucked another girl while being in a relationship and the feeling of regret you have to keep a secret.

But nice try, I'll give you a point for that.

it's always nice knowing the writer can understand his own poetry and know what hes trying to say.....

You're right

I have more than one

Cuz 1 just wont do.

haha got me feeling good now

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vVYza0NiWuU

__________________

The Music

I won't break them down, but you can't half ass a poem better than everybody here.

thats old shit Adam shit i wrote when i 1st got into poetry.

i'm not a poetry head but i can see that he can half ass a poem better then u,especially seeing that u think that dog shit is the best u got

I don't think it's the best I got, I keyed it off the dome and if you can explain it to me in your next post, I'll believe your criticism.

actually whats in ur mind n what u actually wrote down do not coincide.
that is why i said u should have said more......................................maybe to u it made sense but to me it was just soundin like u wanted to fuck around.

edit** i guess once u explain it i can kind of see where u were going,but u shouldnt really have to explain a poem

I put him in there myself
Thinking it would be fine,
But I was wrong.
I wasn't misled
Or unconscious,
Nor intoxicated
So I'd have an excuse.
I put him in there myself,
I wasn't thinking of you.

^ I think that pretty much sums up that something happened and it's not a feeling of wanting to do something.

But once again, nice try.

And Wtf @ Rv now having another Poetry of choice.

Slam Poetry...

or one can interpret that as the IDEA or THOUGHT of wanting to cheat......

If you're an idiot.


I put him in there myself

That's a doing word, not a thinking of doing word.

Well thanks for taking the time to discipline us all at Rv about Vocabulary.

You're welcome, hopefully you fucking learned something.