chiizzzeccckkkk

check check... just match whoever

__________________

"Only god can judge me, but I'm atheist so you do the math..."

ight trus this is dif this week

dear kurt,
you maybe a legend, but now ya band aint holding up ya name
last time anything blew up for you....the cops where cleaning fragments of ya brain
johnny'll end the grunge era, my uppercuts'll put you to rest
i'll put out a nirvana, that'll have cortney love telling me to cut her a check
i hate you along with the world, so just kill yaself kid
but you really ended yaself with the heat faster than chicago did
i'll just tell the true facts, that'll close ya tomb
when you said it smells like teen spirit,
.....you just ment ya expirence's in the boys locker room
you look dirt poor, in high school everyone bullied this slut
so then you made long hair a grunge style,
..............only cause you couldn't afford a hair cut
idk how you got a deal, cause your apparoch was really funny
singing how much ya parents an others hated you would make some money
man end it, we don't care how much you wanna see the gate's
so april 5th '94, was probably the best day you lived up to date

from johnny

ayo imma need till tomorrow... workin on 3 week long MLA research paper that i put off untill last minute... i got you though phil... dope drop homie

__________________

"Only god can judge me, but I'm atheist so you do the math..."

http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post3164215
http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post3164218
http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post3164220
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=241838

Here's some feed for ya:

you maybe a legend, but now ya band aint holding up ya name
last time anything blew up for you....the cops where cleaning fragments of ya brain
lol, nice way to open, wordplay was good
johnny'll end the grunge era, my uppercuts'll put you to rest
i'll put out a nirvana, that'll have cortney love telling me to cut her a check
fresh concept, well executed, good shit
i hate you along with the world, so just kill yaself kid
but you really ended yaself with the heat faster than chicago did
alright, but the setup to this really didn't go with the punch
i'll just tell the true facts, that'll close ya tomb
when you said it smells like teen spirit,
.....you just ment ya expirence's in the boys locker room
ehh, like the punch, i thought this was kinda gay
you look dirt poor, in high school everyone bullied this slut
so then you made long hair a grunge style,
..............only cause you couldn't afford a hair cut
too obvious of a flip. For shit like this, u gotta brainstorm more reasons for why he possibly has that long hair until u get somethin' really witty n' creative
idk how you got a deal, cause your apparoch was really funny
singing how much ya parents an others hated you would make some money
concept here was good, but u didn't word it well. Just say the punchline to yaself without the setup n' hear how it sounds. Its a bit awkward.
man end it, we don't care how much you wanna see the gate's
so april 5th '94, was probably the best day you lived up to date
ehh, this was too simple of a punch really, wasn't effective

Phil, u started nice my man, but u really fell off after that. A few concepts which were too simple, but most were aight. Some of them u didn't develop enough and went for the obvious way to use them rather than bein' more creative. Better than last week for sure tho man, good shit

P.S., you really should start addin' multies in ur setups. Doesn't take long n' makes ur verse read much better.