it was a neat idea, i dunno, only problem i really had was your structure.. uhm, seemed to vary alot, which kinda takes away from the read if you really start to get some flowing lines, which you had, but i guess thats only really a huge issue if you want to make this audio. but it was well written, havnn't seen anything else from you,

Crows started barkin', a charmin' sound at 7 in Morning,
The bus-stop tree had no leaves 'cuz it was winter 'n pooring.

that was kick ass, if i'd suggest anything, sometimes it seemed like you threw words in just to keep the rhyme up, i also liked those small sentences, where you transitioned and what not, but good piece overall, write some more douche

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