how can i excell,now that all that's left of this man is a shell/
in a cell with a source and a double XL/
i'm either in trouble or jail/
well,guess i'll just take my next step thru this hell,puff n inhale/
this cancer-stick,i'm dancin with the devil himself to get wealth/
but damn i can't handle it/
with candles lit,i'm a vandal in stealth,a man by himself/
isolated,mezmorized how the flames flicker,am i wicked or well?/
only the indigent or sick can expell this type of shit/
or the lifers doin bids in the cell,writing spits for the spite of it/
knowing his wife has just bailed, and she ain't kitin no mail/
he's signin over rights to his kids...

i'm anticipating better days,means to elevate i seek in several ways/
i dismiss away all the things that which bring thee to an early grave/
at 23 i ain't tryin to see no pearly gates/
thru the murky haze i envision a worthy reason for livin/
yesterday faded away,today was made for better decisions........


I"M LIVIN

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~~~WhItEbOy MaGiC~~~

http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post3222787
http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post3222790

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~~~WhItEbOy MaGiC~~~

uppin..............

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~~~WhItEbOy MaGiC~~~

Real talk.

This would be a solid audio peice. Recorded and spat it will be nice, but as a text peice its weak. imo.

Personally a text peice shoul dbe aretistic and poetic. Try writing topics n shit bro. I understand these are lyrics, and there nice lyrics, few smooth multis in it and some nice flows when rapped, but when read as a text peice it lacks so much.

Check my drop in verbal emotions tourny and see what I mean by text peices have diffrent styles.

Stay learning and elevating, look foward to readin what you come up with next bro.


1

thanx 4 the feedback.."means to elevate i seek in several ways"...........

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~~~WhItEbOy MaGiC~~~

honestly this was a pretty good read,decent vocab, i think you expressed what you were trying to say. good shit 7/10

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"the loudest one in the room is the weakest"- frank lucas..