check this and post some replies y'all, respect and thanks ahead of time...

I'm the source and energy forcing enemies to watch their steps
Embodying metaphysical principles and ghetto concepts
Skills adept, already wept, sympathy and regret in me ya never find
Influenced by my past and drama vast , tainted with a battlin' mind
People walk around blind, befalled by blamphamous ignorance
I start cleansing all races of frontin disgraces with no traces of evidence
Ever since I saw peeps use old supplies, I see right through the disguise
Fuck, I'll suck ya pre-written papers and spit the ink in ya eyes
Stop the lies, y'all should stop stealing styles like its a biting buffet
Shit, I'm half 'black male,' so ya gonna do what I say
I spray smacking shit like it's cricket, dumping bodies in thickets
'Ripping' the worthless like they're losing lottery tickets
...
Niggas ask who the fuck I am like they have a case of amnesia
Inflicting anesthesia, oppenents left as victims of paraplegia
Mutin' fallen freestyle falters, printing on papers plastered
Shootin' expecting dads at altars, leaving babies as bastards
Whether ya black, white or asian, it doesnt make a difference
Flaming words and maiming verbs, burning emcees in every instance
Making lunches of ya diss, quaking punches never miss, my hits are precise
Land mine verses make sure emcee's don't 'step' to me twice
My lines refute rappers reflecting regular pop shit in repute
Fakes smoking 'trees' giving hoods the 'leave,' forgetting about their 'roots'
My times seen too much 'current' talent join the 'mainstream' route
I'll never sell out, this 'seed' grows a different kind of sprout
Cuz yo, I'm not the type to rap about cars, money and bitches
I'm the type to leave ya scarred and bloody with stitches..

wow....
vocab was definatly there
flow was too
there was really good in my opinion
keep droppin dawg
ya got some talent
peace

thanks man, uppin' for feedback

INFINITE
THIS WAS A REALLY GOOD PEACE SOME PUNCHES WERE WEAKER THEN EXPECTED BUT YOU FALLOWED THEM WELL I LIKE THIS AND IF YOU LIKE PM ME WE CAN SEE ABOUTE YOU JOINING THE ORDO ABACHO ROSTER

That was off the meters, playboy. You raw, I ain't fucking with you..lol. You know who to holla at.

Rhyming/Flow
Flow Was Dope Dawg, You Had A Silkily Smooth LIke Flow, With Good Internals, With A Good Rhymes Sheme Too...8/10

Vocab/Wordplay
Very Complexiated Vocab, Don't See Many "Newbs" With This Sort Of Vocab. You Had Great Phrases In Ever Bar, Bars Like:
" Niggas ask who the fuck I am like they have a case of amnesia
Inflicting anesthesia, oppenents left as victims of paraplegia"- Were Dope, Also:
"Mutin' fallen freestyle falters, printing on papers plastered
Shootin' expecting dads at altars, leaving babies as bastards" - Dope........8/10

Concept/Topic
You Had A Good IMage IN Your head About What This Should Be About. And I Think You Played This Topic Out Nicely, Spreading It OUt Throughout The 2 verses..8/10

Overall
8/10, Nice "Introductory" Verse, You have A Shit Load Of Potential Dawg, Your gonna Be A Legend At Rb In The Future, Keep Spittin'

Word!

Niggas ask who the fuck I am like they have a case of amnesia
Inflicting anesthesia, oppenents left as victims of paraplegia
Mutin' fallen freestyle falters, printing on papers plastered
Shootin' expecting dads at altars, leaving babies as bastards

by far the best part of the piece excellent everything gave me goosebumps the talent is there......

My lines refute rappers reflecting regular pop shit in repute
Fakes smoking 'trees' giving hoods the 'leave,' forgetting about their 'roots'
My times seen too much 'current' talent join the 'mainstream' route

i hate to say this for many reasons but this gave me an eerie feeling of tupac.................

I'm the source and energy forcing enemies to watch their steps
Embodying metaphysical principles and ghetto concepts

"how to write an opening bar 101" you are the teacher and i bow to your skill

this is an excellent drop i don't think you are a "newbie" and if you are then you are pure talent good luck to you in your future endeavors......................................... ..1

"i don't think you are a "newbie" and if you are then you are pure talent good luck to you in your future endeavors......................................... .."

ahah.. I guess your right in this.. I've been doing this for about 4 months on another site wit some cats that bring it doper than myself (if ya consider me dope).. we're getter a team together to maybe battle some other sites. Our community is majorly small though.. like 1/8 the size of this or less.

But I almost never cypher, I usually battle (ahah.. my cypher's kinda tainted with the battling flavour at parts )

Thanks for the feedback so far guys and keep shit coming.. I'll probably drop some more shit another time,

-Ie

bumpin

uppin for feedback, tell me if ya have anything and I'll hit it up too..

dat shit wuz hot............nice vocab and ish.............i wuz really f

THis was pretty tight, dope on the vocab..that made sence. alot of cats over look that. Nice use of metas too, like the cleverness. You got talent keep up the good writing

Respect your style and opinon so drop by and give feed back on my little 16 bar piece.......

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=75690

Two

__________________


Bang On The Table Productions

AMAZING off the heazy lol that was a great spit man everything was there multies medas punches u had it all 1

__________________
Open Mics
The Weathers Art
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108673
My Teenage Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104850
Secluded
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...851#post1148851
Open Your Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...461#post1157461

thanks a lot guys, I'll be sure to look through your shit too and give feedback on that stuff, and will hit ur shit up fo sho dizzle, but I have to head out now, but I just wanted to say the feedback's much appreciated so far, thanks

-Ie