No sort of scholar or philosopher, not crunching numbers,
Or body builder to push heavenward what I'm crumbling under,
But I uplift developed stress with the strength of thousands,
Blowing gusts of wind towards smoke which left senses clouded,
Wash away insecurities that catch drift of my crashing waves,
Illuminating darkness with sparks and with flashing rays,
Elysium is found when my mind leaks and drenches a canvas,
How could hate overcome when my sentence demands bliss?
So, instead I blanket my scriptures with incredible logic,
Bury my paper between dunes and turn the desert to tropics,
So surreal. But this pen exsists to unmask and enlighten,
Tackle the lightning, meet with God and clash with Poseidon,
Fabricate writing? No, all I can provide is information,
Furnish and educate minds to grow pride and inspiration,
And to me freedom is love. Like growth of a tree from a shrub,
Or uncaging emotion to send soaring like I'm freeing a dove,
Being above the limit set by the governments standards,
Let loose creativity on pages when it's covered in bland words,
So when someone says you're nothing and your dreams couldn't be,
Remember everything starts somewhere and rivers lead to the sea,
And sea to the ocean..... Your goals are determined by you,
No matter if you're from New York or born on the bayou,
But with the world so pathetic, how can someone dream?
Well, we're all doing what we can... and it's gonna be.







Alright.

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Damn..

This piece was sick dude,..the rhyme scheme fit nicely with the flow of the verse. Your vocab and word choice were on point. The piece had alot of emotion..an the imagery really painted a picture. It had me drawn in as a reader. This was pretty dope, this is way above par of whats usually dropped in OM.

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Fear

Links .

Good shit but links? or Closed. Your choice.

-Mr. Multie

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crhyme sindicate
Open Mic Hall Of Famer

http://community.rapverse.com/showp...107&postcount=8
http://community.rapverse.com/showp...113&postcount=6

Yeeeah.

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Get some fuckin feed on this piece people. Why do the good pieces get slept on. Mods leave some feed too. He's got his links up.

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Fear

Uppin............

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The OM mods didn't even feed this shit. Lol.

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ill definitley feed this.


dude first off, this piece has done something only little pieces from r.v. have done...and thats kept me reading. this piece flowed nice..had nice vocab..though u didnt kill the verse with it...your topic was great..i like how u kept on topic..and ranged from different aspects to relinquish your meaning. the ending was perfect and loved how u rapped it up. i look foward to seeing more shit from you. keep up the good work...id deff. give this 9/10...man such a good read...stay up man

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A LIFE OF CHRYME

Thanks alot, man. We should collab. sometime.

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Uppin. Feedback would be appreciated.

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How bout you name one piece i haven't left feed on...ima busy person but i'll leave feed on everything as promised.

BTW...here's ya feed.

Not bad @ all, your one of the few i've seen drop in the OM forum in a while that showed such a vivid display of writing talent with minimum flaws not saying there aren't many mistakes or too little mistakes just saying the errors made aren't really effecting the piece in a noticable negative way. Your imagry is what stood out the most outta this entire drop and in order for such imagry to be controlled as you did your word choice had to be selective and you've done a damn good job with your vocabulary (Ima Vocabulary Type Of Guy), emotion was real good, rhymescheme and structure was alright, vocabulary wasn't complex but neither was it basic, really worth the read and if the OM Forum would be more ACTIVE i would have placed your piece in the Hall of Fame, definitely one of the best drops i've read so far in a while....

...besides my own work and others.

-Mr. Multie

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crhyme sindicate
Open Mic Hall Of Famer

Thanks for the indepth feedback, man. I appreciate it.

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Just being a mod.

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crhyme sindicate
Open Mic Hall Of Famer