when that pupal skin splits..

i tread water and wait to dry
in a godlike manner
this pond was once my manor
but now i must fly
and now i'm despised
cos me and my army make the deaf privilleged
we'll pillage a village
or two
the villains who witness that blood is not red but blue
and chances are
you've bled when we used a tube
and left your veins abused
i'm a noisy acupuncturist
and you're thinkin
i ought to have you done for this
but whats the harm?
its just a bit of blood between friends
from your leg,face or arm
and if i've been spotted you might just extent
a hand
resulting in a bloodied palm
but the sullied calm is short
the swarm will attack from their aeronautical fort
but of course
you can net the windows and spray a myst of molecular police
however
there'll always be a hum to wake you from your sleep
and the swat team keeps
missing by a mile
and thus
in a beat of wings..
i spot a body of warmth
standing in the crop
his young face mourns as he meddles in the plot
and the dark sunken eyes drop
as his skinny extended stomach
demands and summons a square meal
but bare heeled
he conceals his hunger and almost beckons my bite
so i strike plunging my proboscis
into the bony skull of lost wits
i plunge my needle nose
skin deep and more
into the dermatitis of woes
and the nectar flows
into my belly
which is rapidly swelling
now i've turned red
and the dark skin from which i've fed
doesnt notice a thing
cos the sting swells up after i've had a drink
and it wouldnt be fair if i took without giving

cos that living person i just bit
was a kid
and now he's sick
he just doesnt know it
injected with an infectious disease
he'll join the 1 million others who are buried
as their families shed tears of grief
at the grave side crumpled at the knees...


dont share fuckin needles?
tell that to the African children of the fields
who's crop yield..
was Malaria

iight...

Strong message your getting through there... Its so true...

Imagery was good... You can picture him standing there...

A like the flip on how the crop was the disease... Make me think... How fortunate we are in countries such as the UK and USA...

Good vocabulary... Really made the piece hotter... Good...
Flow wasnt consistent... Your rhyme scheme was very different... But it worked...

Im guessing your experimenting...

Keep it up man... Nice piece with a strong message...

Hit up the links in my sig...

Thanks...

Pz...



[/i]

Very nice - I liked alot. Well described situation with strong closing point. I don't see anything to really criticize so I'll leave it at that.

Looking for some hits on my "Broken Metamorphisis"

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Personal Testament 3 (100 Bars)
Befuddlement
Broken Metamorphosis
Cud

This should not be slept on...this piece was Dope!...your imagery was out of these world..and just like your last piece..you made it very easy for a reader to follow you..yes your scheme was a bit different but it worked out well...you vocab was good..this flowed very well..very nice...peace...I'm in Eclipse now.... ^^

.,.

and chances are
you've bled when we used a tube
and left your veins abused
i'm a noisy acupuncturist
and you're thinkin
i ought to have you done for this
but whats the harm?
its just a bit of blood between friends
from your leg,face or arm





Whooooohooooo, .. nice story mate = ) .. to bad you cant be in the european championship .. 6-0 o.O .. meh but this was good man, good vocab strong immagery, concept, well used & written, very nice!, ..Up this yellow duck.

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Fuck you

Shit this was some dope shit!,.. =)

Damn .. First off .. Let me say this .. Vocab and word usage was very high above average .. A couple times caught me like "Wat the eff?" .. LoL .. Had to re-read a couple parts a couple of times .. With that said .. This piece was dope .. I definitely felt how U explained and portrayed a simple thing so complexly .. And it felt as though U got it off so easily .. Endin' juss killed the piece man .. I was definitely feelin' this as a whole .. But to be true I didn't know wat the hell the title meant .. LoL .. But I guess I understand it now cuz I do understand the piece .. Keep writin' man .. Ur stuff's gettin' better everytime I read a piece from U .. One

upping

Man I loved this piece. VERY creative. Mosquito's perspective. Loved the line about "the mist of mollecular police" lol that shit was crazy. Best thing Ive read today. true hip hop...dope rhyming....dope concept.....dope message. Outstanding! I loved it.

if you get a chance peep my verse tell me what you think.

upper cut

wouldnt mind a reply.
or reply plural
drop link and i'll reply bak

dope as fuck!.
legend

nice piece the immagery was dope,
i liked the short structure,
nice and creaitve, not boring to read either like some OM's are.


i liked the point of view it was from dope peace man!!

peace

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