RapVerse.com Community
 Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End RV Radio  

Go Back   RapVerse.com Community > Fresh From The Lab > Textual Releases
User Name
Password
FAQ Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 10-29-05, 05:05 PM   #1
technique
dope
 
technique's Avatar
 
Posts: 1,018
Joined: Apr 2005
From: none of ur biz uk
Status: Offline
Text Record: 10-23
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
Insane

IP: 8CDA 7A5F

Look I don't understand why I hate my life
All i want to do is end it with this deadly knife
How did I survive from all this pain and torcher
I'm getting sleepless nights my brains out of order
I just wanna feel happy instead of being mad
but how will that happen when I wanna kill my step dad
I tend to block out your lyrics cuz they ain't real
so you should listen to me and you might feel
Feel my emotions with a load of explosions
and get caught up in all of my motion
Agrivated soul in dispair in a black hole
And nobody is there just taken for fool
didn't make it at school cuz teachers were bitches
I used 2 get picked on by these little bastard snitches
Till one day I put my foot down and hit a clown
smack his face up nearlly killed him when he were found





chorus

I'm just plain insane with a 9 pointed to my brain
and aint afraid 2 pull a trigga and blow it out like cobain
I think im insane im bleading an internal blood stain
I have bottled up torment all I do is feel the pain
  Reply With Quote
Old 10-29-05, 07:17 PM   #2
FlowIntelligent.
The Epitome Of Greatness
 
FlowIntelligent.'s Avatar
 
Posts: 4,868
Joined: Jan 2004
From: NY ... Born And Raised
Status: Offline
Text Record: 55-26
IP: 28AD 5545

this was ok i think you could work on the wordplay a bit and give it some better flow but besides that it was alright,, try something with a different topic to it and throw some originality into it.

overall: 6.7/10
__________________
RV's Only 3 Time Topical Tourney Champion


Send a message via AIM to FlowIntelligent.   Reply With Quote
Old 11-01-05, 11:43 PM   #3
David Lama
oh yea?
 
Posts: 547
Joined: Oct 2005
Status: Offline
Text Record: 7-0
IP: 6453 2463

hmmm the lines were all pretty simple and the flow was very basic which made this a pretty boring piece, nothing really stood out and I found myself wanting more, something else. throughout the whole piece, not because this was good, but because it lacked alot.. I dont know, i feel you could have certainly thought this out more, but then again if this was a key and you just let out what was on your mind in the moment then its decent, not bad, just not really interesting.
__________________
AIM = David Lama says
Send a message via AIM to David Lama   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 08:14 AM.

Powered by vBulletin.
Copyright © 2000-2004 Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.