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View Poll Results: Who won this battle? | |||
...D.P... | 1 | 33.33% | |
Drastic | 2 | 66.67% | |
Voters: 3. You may not vote on this poll |
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04-14-06, 04:13 AM | #1 | |
~Lyrical Nirvana~
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...D.P... Vs. Drastic
IP: 5651 7A36
~Rules~ Topic: "Through my Mothers eyes" Line limit: 20-50(negotiate in checkin) Check in by: Monday 11:59pm Drop by: Wednesday 11:59pm Votes due by: Friday 11:59pm Werd!
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Last edited by Billy Baghdad : 04-14-06 at 04:18 AM. |
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04-14-06, 05:47 AM | #2 |
WhoAreYou?
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IP: A181 D033
checkin in
40 lines ok? |
04-14-06, 03:51 PM | #3 | |
G.T.I.G.
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IP: 9A5C 1BE7
checkin in
im thinkin like 30 but take what you want its 20 - 50 lines....... right? it dont matter
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04-15-06, 10:15 AM | #4 |
WhoAreYou?
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IP: A181 D033
im sure we've got to agree on the line limit
im stuck for time so i'll go down to 30 ~peace~ |
04-16-06, 05:13 AM | #5 | |
G.T.I.G.
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IP: 9A5C 1BE7
iight str8 wit me dp
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04-19-06, 05:37 PM | #6 |
WhoAreYou?
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IP: A181 D033
Through My Mother's Eyes (dedicated to my mother) It's gonna be a long day...yeh i got paid Despite the money that i made, i got bills on their way I ain't feelin to play... on my own i got to stand No deals into play ... and there ain't no helpin hand Fuck destiny's child i was always holding mines From my youth to the present and i'm reachin golden times I step into the home i raised ... my heart grows calm My youngest son looks up and greets his mum with open arms I'm proud, on my own, i raised boys into men Strong enough to never need another to depend on Been on a rollercoaster of emotions But i've risen to my height through my years of devotion My 5 number ones kept me strong over the years Fulfillin my seeds' needs leaves space for no fears My technique's impeccible ... not to say revered But others measure their's against my style But time of raising's done now i'll take a while To enjoy my later life with a smile and a sigh And think to myself how these years flew by In a blurr the past 3 decades have elapsed I prefer the quiet of a grown household perhaps But i still remember all the pit-a-pats Tiny feet run beneath my line of vision I look at my lil troop, they're my division My finely tuned family unit, of whom i'm proud Who knew now, we'd make it through the clouds And on the other side, where forever sun shines Where I rest, now i've paid my dues and done mine Now my boys have grown, and they're following my steps I rest on my own, knowing i've done my best |
04-19-06, 07:18 PM | #7 | |
G.T.I.G.
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IP: 9A5C 1BE7
“Through My Mother’s Eyes” By: Drastic “Reminiscin’ the days sittin at sharing and carin’, Can goods and rice and all the people be starin, Visions and recognition, roaches all in the kitchen, All the times that I pray I assumed he would listen, Kids wearin hand-me-down clothes, Wearin shoes with no soles, Stugglin everyday but only our father knows, About tha pain deep inside, So many emothions to hide, Hitch-hiking to work everyday but never finding a ride, Holidays passin by, I’m never passin out presents, Livin life in the ghetto, there wasn’t a day that was pleasant, Life got harder and harder, Buyin all my kids starter, Shedding tears everynight, no food for my sons or daughters, My childrens tears steady rollin, I know they feelin tha pain, Every night they all hopin, that we wont sleep in tha rain, Eatin food out of cans, no silverware we’d use our hands, I have welfare and stamps, I’m doin all that I can, Everyday is a battle, every month we would move, Knockin door to door, beggin people for food, I’m scrapin for change, I’m digging deep in my pouch, Goin to my bestfriends house, just to search through her couch, Always been by myself, never had no ones help, I’d never wish on someone else, All the pain that I felt, Imagine digging through trash, just to find ya kids gifts, Makin minimum wage, and no one givin me shifts, I’m pregnant again, I’ts a gift my savior, But now heaven im in, cuz I passed while in labor, Kids I hope you tha best, Though I know you still struggle, Just keep your eyes on the skies, and know your mother still loves you.” *Drastic Thoughts*
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04-19-06, 09:24 PM | #8 | |
Light Weight
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IP: 8022 39A7
Decent pieces... both had the relatively same approach. Both contained little to no metaphors or similies which made it kinda lack some complexity but both pieces had a decent amount of emotion. Try to incorporate metas and sims without compromising imagery in the future. Overall I thought they were both written good but Drastic's structure and flow was better largely in thanks due to his nice use of internals. I was also feeling Drastic's verse had more emotion and the ending sealed it for me. Nice work both.
v/ Drastic
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04-20-06, 01:25 PM | #9 | |
~Lyrical Nirvana~
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IP: 27E9 2A04
This was an aiight battle...pretty basic tho...but still good...I like the emotion on both peices...but drastic edged it out....and with vocab really neither of you....The flow on drastic's peice was alot better than ...D.P...'s .....and the concepts for both were basic aswell.....truthfully I thought DP was gonna win this.... but drastic pulled it out....
Vote/Drastic
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04-20-06, 06:25 PM | #10 |
WhoAreYou?
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IP: A181 D033
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04-21-06, 02:02 AM | #11 | |
Middle Weight
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IP: 5F3B 6A14
hmmm I thought that both were rather well written... you both really nailed the topic... but neither one of you really took and original angle for this... stilll Drastic took the more dramatic approach, pulling on your heart strings a lil with the whole struggling to get by thing... That had a nice effect could really swing votes in a close battle... He also had a nice cadance towards the end is where I noticed it most... but all in all I like DP's verse more... he didn't go to any dastic or dramatic measures and still helf my attention through out... while Drastic's dipicted a picture of a struggling mother... DP's showed more actual emotion to me... it's like Drastic had alot of good word usage and descriptions, but DP actually conveyed the emotions a lil better...
Vote: DP
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04-22-06, 10:21 PM | #12 | |
~Lyrical Nirvana~
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IP: 27E9 2A04
drastic wins..............closed
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