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Old 05-20-05, 11:18 PM   #1
H-N-I-C
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Text Record: 3-5
First Love

IP: 28AD 5545

Ya First Love


Do you remember your first love?
So young and innocent, reminiscent of the days,
We’d play hopscotch and jump rope to the tune of,
Seashell Taco Bell easy I-Z over,
And over the years,
Through countless relationships and tears,
All the darlings and dears,
There’s always your first love.
.
.

Do you remember your first love?
The first time you held hands,
Drew their name in the sand,
How happily you’d reply,
Yeah that’s my girl,
Or, yeah that’s my man,
How you’d demand a kiss,
Because you were without them all day and missed,
The comfort of their touch,
The way they spoke your name so passionately,
You knew it had to be,
There’s always your first love.
.
.

Do you remember your first love?
The kisses and hugs,
Countless hours of baking and caking,
Faking that you liked the cakes they baked
For the goodness of the relationship’s sake,
You’d take a bullet to the face,
If it would erase,
Any hurt harm distress or stress,
For just one sec. because,
There’s always your first love.
.
.

Do you remember your first love?
The break-ups to make-up,
The calls to wake up,
To tell em’ you love em,’
Miss em,’ couldn’t wait to kiss em,’
And even those calls to just sit and listen,
To them breathe and be relieved,
Of all problems, if only for one moment,
You could take em’ and disown em,’
Phone bonin’ till the sun shone in ya room,
To illuminate ya life, and shine so bright,
That only ya first love could eclipse this sight,
So as you sit back, relax,
And relive the moments you lived,
With the one who first penetrated your heart,
Punctured it with the sharp end of cupid’s arrow,
Just remember,
There’s always your first love.
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Old 05-20-05, 11:20 PM   #2
H-N-I-C
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Tried somethin a lil more heart felt and with some substance, since my last poem got somewhat neg. feedback cuz of tha topic...hope u all like this one, try and keep in mind that all of my poetry is spoken word, jus don't have the equipment to record

Last edited by H-N-I-C : 05-20-05 at 11:24 PM.
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Old 05-21-05, 10:59 PM   #3
H-N-I-C
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Please, somebody leave some feedback...
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Old 05-22-05, 01:36 AM   #4
Sweft
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Do you remember your first love?
The break-ups to make-up,
The calls to wake up,
To tell em’ you love em,’

Wow Im going through this now. I mean its not my first love but its a more mature love. I like your style alot.
I remember when I used to write nothing but love poems to get girls. Than I started getting more creative and learning more words and experincing life and writing about it.

Overall this was a great opem. Structure was good and it was easy to follow.

Overall. 8-10
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Old 05-22-05, 02:49 PM   #5
H-N-I-C
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thanks for tha feed back...uppin
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Old 05-22-05, 03:10 PM   #6
mizz fyre
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to be honest i dunno why your drops get slept on so much........this was prolly one of the best i've read from you....the emotion was real nice and i felt that the flow of the poem was flawless.....an enjoyable read..keep doing what you do.......
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Old 05-25-05, 12:14 AM   #7
H-N-I-C
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preciate tha feed, especially comin from u...uppin this
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Old 05-25-05, 09:28 PM   #8
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Uppin...leave feed
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Old 05-25-05, 10:47 PM   #9
Hattrick
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IM FEEELIN this too man, good shit, i like the style, good flow, good rhyming in actually - nothing seems too forced, ya know.
fav lines:
"Of all problems, if only for one moment,
You could take em’ and disown em,’
Phone bonin’ till the sun shone in ya room,"

really good shit! good job i like it
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Old 05-26-05, 05:42 PM   #10
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thnx man...uppin one mo time
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Old 05-27-05, 06:23 PM   #11
Os1ris
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Yeah overall i was feelin this piece a whole lot it flowed very nice, there was still some choppy parts but overall ery god i felt the emotion and i could actually comprehend with your piece my favorite lines were:

The calls to wake up,
To tell em’ you love em,’
Miss em,’ couldn’t wait to kiss em,’
And even those calls to just sit and listen

Overall 8/10, good job man
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Old 05-30-05, 01:20 AM   #12
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Preciate tha feed...up, up and away
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Old 05-31-05, 04:54 AM   #13
Macca
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I know I left feed on this one. I swear I remember doing it...........
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Old 05-31-05, 02:15 PM   #14
DQ
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Nice poem right here, I love how you kept using the same build up for every part of the piece and went more into detail at every next step. It read very easily due to the pure yet raw emotion that gave the poem a sense of looking back happily, of reminising the good old days. Imagery was good as well, could picture different scenes within my mind throughout your words...

Lovely drop...
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Old 06-02-05, 03:50 PM   #15
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Thanx DQ....I'm blushin
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