My rhymes will Twist-Ya-Wrists and leave ya Wit-Broken-Fists/
after i manhandle you..ya ass rhymes get ripped/
cuz no skills is a main component that ya really lackin/
so watch ya back son....you don't know what i'm packin'/
my rhymes are too-complex for you to compare wit-tha-next/
cuz i got people jockin' me why you there's so many wrecks?/
In Illinois...prepare boy cuz i wont back down ima clown ya ass and watch yo style drown/
You can call me religious so everybody bow-down to tha lyrical-princess/
for instance....jesus is tha highest form on envyness/
so quit ridin' ma clit befo' i have ta show ya what this pen-dispenses/
Lyrical-darts headed steadily straight-for-the-heart/
breakin apart ya organs after tha first rhyme starts/
pop-cart ya too-gushy to push-me so don't speak ma name cuz
we know ya straight "PUSSY"/

not bad...

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108928
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=109774


thanx........btw hea's ma 2 links......uppin....~1~

you dont need to leave links no more.... first thing id say is you need to carry ya rhyming further,,, yours seems to be different nearly every bar... some decent multis, but ya dont need to point them out... just smooth out the scheme... and expand on ya vocab to liven up ya verses... keep at it

didnt really feel it, i hate pieces like this...all praising yourself and how good you are...but how can u back any of that up in reality lol...just write truth not this.

peace.

__________________
..Ghetto Essence..

i usually dont write like this.....i juss did it for tha multies..so

~1~

Yeah this was alright here....structure could use some work though, your lines seemed kinda stretched, try to shorten them down a bit....vocab could be up'd though....you did have some alright multies in there....overall this was alright....keep at it.