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Old 01-18-06, 02:04 PM   #1
Lil C
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Alone

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You walk an empty street
The sound of you shoes hitting the pavement
Echoes all around you
You used to walk with friends
But you chose to walk alone

Your face tightens
as the sharp blade of your knife hits your arm
You refused help when people offered
And you chose to walk alone

People look down on you
Because of the way you are
They say it’s just a quite scream
But to you it just relieves pain

Your friends all left because you inflicted pain
You had blood stains on your carpet
They say they wouldn’t be surprised
If you killed yourself tonight

The air around you is cold
And your fingers are frozen from the chill
But you still wrap them
Around the handle of that knife

You cut your arm once again
You say this is the last
But then you parents piss you off
And you cut again

Refuse once more the help offered
As you swipe the blade
Acting as though it doesn’t hurt
But you keep cutting relentlessly

Tell me why should you walk alone
When so many people want to help
They offer yet you refuse
Slashing at your arm

You finally run for help
But it seems to be to late
Everyone has turned their backs
And their hands are no longer there
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Old 01-18-06, 02:10 PM   #2
Lil C
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I've responded to every new poem.........take a look fo urself iight Atticus?
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Old 01-18-06, 07:19 PM   #3
Po' Wit.
All these Dead Presidents
 
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Ok, I have come to notice that you are one to do dramatic, gory, sorrowful and gloomy pieces. Is there something down in your life or are you just that type of writer?

The vocabulary and imagery were very nice in this piece. Nothing to complex w/ the vocab and clean, defined, vivid mental pictures running through my mind all throughout the read. Your emotion was superb. Basically because this comes from the heart and its all about emotion problems. (cutting for ex) I think the only thing that would make your piece better would be a bit bigger and more colorful vocabulary. You had some nice words in there but for the most part just small words that help get the point across but not as strong as using other words.

Keep writing and working on improvments like that..
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Old 01-20-06, 01:34 PM   #4
Lil C
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^^^no doubt thanx fo da feed

naw dis is a TRUE story thowish it wasnt but it was

uppin
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Old 01-21-06, 12:21 AM   #5
Valerie
Can u guess 2v's Gender?
 
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nice drop i like it why dont u battle ppl in poetry from now on.
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Old 01-23-06, 01:53 PM   #6
Lil C
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lol short but sweet Reign...thanx fo da feed.....yea not a bad idea actually
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Old 01-23-06, 02:49 PM   #7
atti?
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For you C :

Forever embraced by the image
Of this immaculant ebony evolution.
Nubien nyasty with the heart
Of her mother's lion...
But the form of American Art.

The sun rises in the east,
Sets in your passiont gaze.
As the day rests across the moutain range
Of your empowering iris I sit,
Awed in the illumination of your soul;
Driving from your essance
To the sunset effect of your blink.
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Old 01-23-06, 07:55 PM   #8
Lyriclesolja
I Create Dope Poetry For The Thinkers Of Tomarrow....I Am Lyriclesolja
 
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damn good poem fo real i thought that this was your best part
.
"Your face tightens
as the sharp blade of your knife hits your arm
You refused help when people offered
And you chose to walk alone"............pure dopeness
.
.
.
i look foward to your next drop keep em coming!!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Indeph
Lyricalsolja you illy on the sickness tip.
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Old 01-24-06, 12:29 PM   #9
Lil C
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Lol. iight Atticus

thanx fo da feed Lyrical..
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Old 02-05-06, 03:52 PM   #10
Mentor
a.k.a prozak
 
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yea this is defintly deep i can relate i cut off every attempt of friends tryin ta do sumthin and now my parents is the only people i hang wit and shits mad lonely sometimes i wish i can just move out somewhere else where i can have tonz of homies ta be down wit..see im more of a urban kid that dont get along wit people unless they like the same shit i like and there aint much of that here...i sacrificed every friend i ever had just for rap and in alot of ways i regret that mistake but theres nuthin i can do they pretty much gone for good..those days are dead i aint got no one else ta turn to when i wanna just hang, its almost as good as being dead sometimes i wonder if anybody notices me its like if i died nobody would care and my only friends i got from rv will never know but thats how i can relate to this piece. u put passion inta this i as i can tell, ur strucuture is in perfect condition i had no diffaculty at all reading it and i understood every metaphor u put in..shows lotz of pain and i like that u a very good poet. maybe u and me can get 2gether we wont be so alone then ....i give this a 7.5-8.5/10 keep it up
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Old 02-05-06, 06:22 PM   #11
atti?
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Lol so did I earn some pictures with that poem?
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