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01-23-04, 07:32 AM | #1 | ||||||
Guest
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Dynasty Soldiers: Can`t Find My Soul
IP: F127 8F9A
Dynasty Soldiers Presents: Can`t Find My Soul
It can`t be found anywhere in this world As I keep lookin, my life begins to unfurld Cant noboady stop or anything like that Life and Death are right now in combat Shit, Life just got shot with a gat My dead but livin Soul floats in heaven I lived my whole life twenty four seven But my dead body goes down below Instead of bein a friend Im now a foe I was once had a good life long ago But I must move on as my soul is gone I will make a new life once the day has drawn Dynasty Soldiers Try Out at this link http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=106844 |
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01-23-04, 08:20 AM | #2 | |||||||
1E
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IP: 5AF5 5CA5
first of i would lengthen ya bars a bit, add some more syllables, it will help the flow, also the scheme your using is too basic, add some internals and some nice wordplay, to spice it up.... also its too short, ya cant really get anything into it... keep working on it...
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01-23-04, 08:44 AM | #3 | ||||
Banned: Spamming
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IP: C1DA C961
..Hmmm...this was weak..your flow was below average..wordplay was below average..and yes I agree with ^ lenghthen your bars a little..
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01-23-04, 06:12 PM | #4 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: F127 8F9A
IIGHT I`ve had enough of people bein negative with my open mics.........If u dont got anything good to say, DONT SAY ANYTHING!!!!!
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01-23-04, 06:37 PM | #5 | ||||||
New to RB
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IP: BE39 36F4
How can you improve without first hearing what is wrong with your writtens?
I dont post here to get one line replys proclaiming "Yo this shit was off the hook nigga, peace,1" I post here so other more experienced heads can point out where im going wrong and how i can improve.Basically what dev said about sums it up, if you dont take any notice you will not elevate. check this out and leave some feedback http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=109162
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<center>Suicide inc.</center> |
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01-23-04, 07:22 PM | #6 | ||||||
Flyweight
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IP: 93F1 33ED
If this was tite i would've given you props, but its not. You suck in everything don't you!
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