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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
09-09-05, 06:37 PM
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#1
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New to RV
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So Long, New Orleans (Song for our band)
IP: 6C8E 873A
Another secret left in the dark
She turns her eye to the shaded landscape Now the drum roll ends when the music starts We’re all okay here, after dark I said we’re all okay, We’re all okay, okay Let’s all agree on undoing ruin I’ll take you back to the city she marked Her flight came in despite being inhuman Atlantis whispered warnings to them The killers faces were swept away Upon their reflection’s stay (what a lesson was taught…) Assistance made it painstakingly clear We are all reduced to this Extremists thought the end was near A fat lady sang from her domestic rooftop She said so long to the city she loved And now it’s not okay I said no, it's not okay! I said it’s not okay here! Okay
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09-10-05, 07:38 PM
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#2
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her one-man army
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IP: EE58 AEAE
good structure......... nice idea for a poem about hurricane katrina.... best one about the topic i've seen yet........ good emotion and metas.......
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09-10-05, 07:39 PM
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#3
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Never Around
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IP: 88B9 D29F
*crys
Ya not bad |
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09-11-05, 06:58 PM
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#4
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-BTR-
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IP: 28AD 5545
what kinda band is it?
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09-11-05, 11:40 PM
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#5
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New to RV
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IP: 6C8E 873A
Rock. Influences include The Hip, Pearl Jam and Dave Matthews Band.
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09-12-05, 09:40 PM
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#6
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-BTR-
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IP: 3240 794D
Oh thats interesting. But this is cool man.
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09-15-05, 09:54 PM
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#7
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<<-Carpe Noctum->>
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IP: 0825 899A
Awww..this was dope man, i like the vocabulary, it's set up like a song, it'd be cool to hear it...nice concept and great idea for a song as well, good shit.
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"QUOD ME NUTRIT, ME DESTRUIT--AUT VINCERE AUT MORI" O Y D   *FluidMusic* *Poetic Scriptures Moderator* |
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09-22-05, 12:52 PM
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#8
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Cuz I'm Old Skool Baby
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IP: 042E 9E4C
I loved how u tackled the whole issue. Emotion was great, but wat really got me was the imagery. especially
A fat lady sang from her domestic rooftop She said so long to the city she loved ^^^thats powerful imagery, and i liked the atlantis line. overall i'd say 9/10 but thats only cuz nothings perfect!! lol
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This is my sig. what? I'm white so u KNOW i can't rap =) I will definitely RTF if u leave a link, thanks! |
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09-23-05, 03:36 PM
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#9
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1926
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IP: 3240 794D
This Was Very Nice.
You Had Lots Of Emotion And The Imagery, Not ALOT... But I Feel It Had As Much As The Piece Needed, You Know? Everything Just Fit As It Should. 'I’ll take you back to the city she marked Her flight came in despite being inhuman Atlantis whispered warnings to them' I Liked These Lines Alot, The Comparisson To 'Atlantis' Is Actually The Most Fitting I've Heard So Far. It's Very Surprising No One Has Done That Yet. Very Impressive, Nice Originaliy. 'A fat lady sang from her domestic rooftop She said so long to the city she loved' Some Me Be Torn On This, Because You Took An Old Saying And Just Barely Changed It. But I Think It Was Changed Just Enough. You Made It Your Own And Just Presented Your Message Perfectly. Overall A Really Strong Piece, Only Suggestion Is Maybe Make Your Next Poem Alittle Longer? This One Was Pretty Short, And Since I Liked It Alot I Would Have Enjoyed Reading On A Bit. |
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