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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
09-15-05, 08:23 PM
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#1
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1926
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"Stereophonics"
IP: 28AD 5545
A shoot fused to my forehead leads the way of data.
Information races itself to paint a blank cortex with riddles so enigmatic a cerebellum sits baffled. I sit as these syringe tipped fingers tickle a thought. Pumps a mind with pollutants only to later kiss its wounds, Needle tips dripping with toxins. I smile and nod, none the wiser. Sick in the head yet assume nothing of its gradual conquer. Its of my own, unaware the fact im battling this munchowsers. The words of this world thump through a canal ever so rapid, this waterway caves and a self is starved. An Identity resides sheltered within a house of cards, picking up the Pieces Of Life every time these voices call. Backstroking through the Morbid Mortar that is Another, Im Stuck... Lost in a thought not of my own choosing. I don't even want it there. A Fucking Nat To The Tranquil Mind! The Constant Buzzing Tearing Away Each Layer Of Membrane. Licking The Raw Skull Of Individuality Before Self Can Even Mend It, Until... The Bones Too, Turn To A Tongue... As They're No Longer There. All this anguish, all this... Nothing, all of this, Someone Else, locked within my head. From the wires to me extends a generation, the little black box throwing its every last image to me simply to be fumbled... Gaining another past for View. Under its spell... So much such my actions not even my own. The manic struggle to become free reverts to a repetitive nod. The pendulum of another's desire, my neck divides forward to back. Before I, the bastard Stereotype... Parts two lips to let Mother Stereo gain legs and carry my life. |
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09-17-05, 10:33 AM
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#2
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1926
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IP: 3240 794D
*Shakes Head*
... This Forum Is Dead, Fluid, You Should Add The Two Link Rule ... Erm, Better Make It A Three Link Rule Actually |
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09-20-05, 10:20 PM
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#3
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<<-Carpe Noctum->>
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IP: 0825 899A
yea, i will man.^. Great poem, everything about it, dope concept and your vocabulary..really creative piece, should definately be a contender for poem of the month, theres some others too,but i'll see near the end of september.
__________________
"QUOD ME NUTRIT, ME DESTRUIT--AUT VINCERE AUT MORI" O Y D   *FluidMusic* *Poetic Scriptures Moderator* |
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09-21-05, 06:09 AM
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#4
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1926
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IP: 0825 899A
Aaaaaaaah, Lol Thaaaaaaaank You Baby
 Finally A Response. Hey, And Props On Finally Dropping The '2 Link' Rule ... It Was Much Needed. Good Job With The Modding Fem, Keep It Up ... And Thanks For The Feedback. |
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09-21-05, 10:34 AM
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#5
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Not_Indeph
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IP: 3240 794D
Lol Atticus you too smart for your own good.
I'ma leave feed a bit later, k?  Last edited by -Indeph- : 09-21-05 at 10:42 AM. |
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09-21-05, 02:56 PM
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#6
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1926
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IP: 28AD 5545
Lol Aiight Man
... Thanks |
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09-24-05, 02:15 AM
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#7
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Maggot
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IP: CF74 5D3A
my stats a romantic potion and they flow like the atlantic ocean but in a titantic motion sinking with nice words after collision with an iceberg. so ATTICUS how do I stay afloat with a boat of verbs? look i drave a Chevy nice with a heavy knife under the seat say ready with a machete, look id i'm ill and devastate build and decorate like carpenters do home go ta true dome and I talk to your boo on the phone
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09-25-05, 08:55 PM
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#8
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New to RV
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IP: 3240 794D
^^^ Is he serious ? ... lol ...
ANYWAY ... Lemme break this down fer ya man ... i know how it is not to get good feed ... ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Concept ~ The Concept of this poem was amazing ... the emotion brought it all together ill get to that later but i like the whole point your bringing out man ... this was a nice complex hidden kinda way to express the meaning of the poem ... if you know what i mean .. lol .. Flow ~ Personaly i hate giving feed on flow .. because flow isnt really a MUST in poetry ... feel me ? ... but in this poem you stayed on well and kept that throughout the whole poem and i like that so i had to bring that up ... lol ... that was nice man ... Emotion ~ I said i would come back to it because MAN it was AMAZING in this poem .. and i mean that ... the emotion brought out So many parts in this poem and made them stand out like there the only thing there ... you know wat im sayin ? ... like this ... --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "The words of this world thump through a canal ever so rapid, this waterway caves and a self is starved. An Identity resides sheltered within a house of cards, picking up the Pieces Of Life every time these voices call." --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ^^^^^ Very strong part of the poem and without the emotion that you set in this poem that part would have seemed so dull to me you know ? ... and i like that you kept the emotion throughout the whole poem man ! .. that tells me that you dont slack near the end like alot of poets do ... and like ive found myself doing a couple times ... lol ... ill admit it ... Creativity ~ There really isnt much to say about it only for the simple fact that the poem was very creative in a poetic aspect you did a very nice job with this ! ... Vocab ~ AMAZING ... your use of words and placement of the proper word in the right spots put the poem That much higher !!! ... feel me ? ... ALL IN ALL ~ VERY well written piece man ! ... i like this alot and i feel the poem and the meaning behind it ... i thin we needa hook up on a colab ... we got sorta the same styles ... and i think that a poem from both of us would come out nice!! ... so get at me man ... AIM = XxElevatexX IIght man .. NICE Drop !!! ... really enjoyed the piece ... !! Peace !! ~1~ |
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09-26-05, 06:14 AM
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#9
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1926
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IP: 0825 899A
Wow, Props For Actual Feedback Man,
And Ya I'll Get On A Collab Some Time. And If You're Into Emotion, Read The Piece I Did 'Razorblade Romance'. That's Probally The Most Emotional And Intense Piece I've Done. |
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09-28-05, 08:36 PM
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#10
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New to RV
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IP: 28AD 5545
IIght ... ima do that man ....
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09-28-05, 11:49 PM
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#11
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Bann The Deed NOT The Breed
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IP: 0E8D 75DA
wow fuck feedback like that lol
i got things to do ppl to screw anyways lol i liked it u know had imagery vocab all that good shit but i didnt fell i t nearly as much as ur other pieces 
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  O.Y.D. |
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09-29-05, 12:31 AM
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#12
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A Reflection Of The Past
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IP: 2029 97B3
hmmmm this is actually a unique style of writting in poetry....i see very few writters that write in that style, but very few can get away with it and you here got away with it lol....
Emotion was actually pretty good in this piece, the emotion poored out in front of the readers eyes as he read *me*. imagery was quite vivid also i enjoyed it because you expressed everything smoothly i mean i felt as if that was me experiencing it i actually read this twice. the vocabulary was above average man. anyways i am ashamed to say i havn't really read any of your work before, but now that i have had the pleasure of reading some i am actually glad i finally got to...this ios a great read man and can very easily be nominated for poem of the month. and werd when we do our collab rv will be wishing they had a hall of fame. 
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Crhyme Sindicate
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09-29-05, 06:26 AM
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#13
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1926
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IP: 0825 899A
Haha, Word To That.
And Thanks For The Feedback Man. |
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