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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
06-03-05, 06:37 PM
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#1
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Light Weight
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Confessions of a Dieing Athiest
IP: 6FA7 7304
An eerily calm winter night, Stars light up the dance floor Ice slips into dance, Looking for a partner Tires begin to roll in, Trying to slide past the dance Grabbed, No way to let go Twirled, spun, tossed in one motion Crimson flows from the gaps Between the skin, that was torn, Like he was from God Struggling to breathe, Cold air, forming words from his breath I speak in hope that you will listen I not once went to church Not once clenched my hands To talk to you Never believed Until now As I sit here, dieing No one can save me But You For if you cannot save my life Please, Save my Soul |
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06-04-05, 07:14 AM
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#2
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Odi et Amo
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IP: 3FB4 F428
I enjoyed reading this poem because of the serene vibe that I felt, mainly caused by the quite simple vocab. But this isn't negative at all, I think that big vocab would've just ruined the entire piece. The imagery could be found in the first part, the strong emotion in the second half. I like how those two gently came together, the last part was packed with emotion especially the alst three lines...
For if you cannot save my life Please, Save my Soul Excellent, I am fan of your writing style without a doubt!
__________________
Authentik Intelligence  ...The future is mine... |
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06-04-05, 10:00 PM
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#3
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Light Weight
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IP: 0825 899A
Yo this was a very thougt provoking poem...The topic has kin of been done before, but not with this type of spin on it. The emotion in this piece was definitely there as DQ stated.
I speak in hope that you will listen I not once went to church Not once clenched my hands To talk to you Never believed Until now ^^ Emotion...  Look forward to reading some more of your drops RTF on my Poem First Love...please |
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