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11-25-06, 08:11 AM | #1 | ||||||
New to RV
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"The Nightmare Before Christmas"
IP: 6E7E BC73
TOPICS: It`s The Worst Day Of Your Life. Why? Again? ”The Nightmare Before Christmas” http://www.picturegrill.com/images/...ntachimney.jpeg Don’t you just fucking HATE it when Christmas arrives? That meticulous time, When soft mittens comprise, snowmen of formidable size .. .. From the thickets of white, Sitting astride, the distant horizon. The winds cold, briskly respite, navigates deciduous pines .. .. Whistling by, On its mission-less guide, where with pure intuition it finds .. .. A lonesome snowman, That glistens with pride, deep in the dark midst of the night. Abandoned by his creator, The young girl was forced to kiss him goodbye .. .. Leaving him cruelly exposed, To the adoration of which he despised. His movements restricted, By the barren branches that stick from his sides .. .. And so he sits in the silence, Bitterly frightened, with his pummelled face missing an eye. … I used to love it. Christmas had always been a favoured fixture of mine .. .. And often I reminisce on the times, When anticipation meant the hairs on my neck would bristle and rise. Mother was quick to surmise, That I had to be asleep before Saint Nick would arrive .. .. But I’d sit with my eyes, Firmly affixed to the blinds, awaiting the glorious gifts he provided. I awoke, both betwixt with surprise, and of startled relief .. .. Heading downstairs, Where my father would be, clutching the star for the tree. With his assistance, I’d place it on top as he marvelled at me .. .. Then open up my presents as I sat perched on the arc of his knee. I made a metropolis, From our laminate flooring that was sparkling clean .. .. My remote control car, Traversing the length of our house and all parts in between. Elated rapture exuded, From my smile in the most ardent of beams .. But one year in particular, I could sense the pretence in her parlance of glee. It was only when I witnessed, My dear Mother starting to weep .. .. That I realised, She was harbouring me, from the darkest of secrets… … And I guess this is where my hate of Christmas derives, I was six at the time, When it broke my heart into pieces. My dear Mother tried her best to guard the fact, She proved hard to crack, And when she did - I still struggled hard to believe it. All that me and Mommy could then do, Was start from scratch, The void left was filled with only stark incompleteness. And this is why I fucking HATE it when Christmas arrives, Cause now I’M the lonesome snowman, Out in the dark midst of the night. That puerile pile you’ll find out on the distant horizon, Cold Heartless Unable to move on, and sitting in silence. Abandoned by my creator, But with his memory’s still rich in my mind, I was six at the time, And it broke my heart into pieces. My dear Mother tried her best to guard the fact, She proved hard to crack, And when she did - I still struggled hard to believe it. All that me and her could then do, Was start from scratch, The void left was filled with only stark incompleteness. My father had died from a multiple heart attack, And that’s why all I want for Christmas THIS year is my father back. Peace. http://www.picturegrill.com/images/...-christmas.jpeg TOPICS: I Have Nothing Else Find Your Happiest Memory “You Cannot escape The Responsibility Of Tomorrow By Evading It Today” Abraham Lincoln
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11-25-06, 12:56 PM | #2 | |||||||
New to RV
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IP: 8F3D B533
I enjoyed this read, I felt the emotion you were trying to send out and the imagery on this was nice, the flow was balanced out by the multies, and your vocab was nice. Overall, great job on this piece. Keep at it.
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11-25-06, 01:19 PM | #3 | |||||
Human Crack in The Flesh.
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IP: 0992 DDA2
I second that...BELIEVE IT...
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11-26-06, 06:45 PM | #4 | ||||
Flyweight
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IP: 1832 3F70
It's about fucking time we see something decent in this open mic forum. Props to this buddy. Everything was good. Emotion was felt - structure was unreal and internals kept the flow real smooth for a really nice read. I think if we see more pieces like this then there may be more people wanting to post feedback or write something themselves. Msg me if you wanna hook up for a collab - I'm decent.
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