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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
06-08-08, 11:07 PM
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#1
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don't try.
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Open Mic of the Month: The Red Sun Rises by Lay Fear
IP: 3240 794D
The Red Sun Rises. By: Nemesis. A red sun rises, blood has been spilled on this night.. The rain is pourin as a low fog masks a tainted forest. To hide the hated as a flock of birds sings in a sedated chorus. We march rapidly, cuz there is an enemy behind we dont' have to see. Half of me wishes the enemy would be revealed, but it stays concealed. Consuming me with a dazed surreal that transforms the chase - to real. My heartbeat increases forcing me to obey and kneel, as the pain appeals. What if were hunted like pray an killed? An slayed until.. Whats that.. "hateful howls erupt entwined with a graceful sound" A volley of arrows slices through air, as our generals advice is impaired But with death so close, I seem so valuable when my life is compared. Am I a coward if I run an hide? But what if I die. I rellapse as I almost collapse as my mental stunning subsides. These strangers...soldiers..are my family...my brothers..an fatality's bliss. Kill my kin, and as realitys gripped it seems my whole persoanlitys flipped. Cuz as mortality fuses with immortalities kiss. It actually is, brutality's fist. Perilous enemies close in, I know this - an only composure's exposed. I stand there colder an froze an on top of it. My posture's stands confident. As they move in for the kill... I let out a devlish smirk, before I capture the win I wanna relish it first. Cuz for there to be hell on earth there's gotta be a devil at work. ...An I snap an unsheathe my blade. .... ... .. . After I ponder my thoughts, lurking the woods as I feel like I'm wandering lost. Reflect on the cost of victims herded in plenty, how's it right to murder so many? The darkness that's loomings seems to consume me. I let it take me so smoothely. It's soothing , I'm losing my sense of right and wrong..or did I not have it all along? Cuz I keep asking myself one question I can't answer..it embodies the doubt, sigh... If I killed off all my enemies.. Then why after when I cleared the battlefield of bodies did I ONLY find allies?
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Fear |
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06-08-08, 11:07 PM
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#2
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don't try.
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IP: 3240 794D
I'll edit links in when i get a chance. Prolly sometime tomorrow.
http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post3215899 http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post3215900
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Fear Last edited by Lay Fear : 06-09-08 at 11:20 PM. |
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06-09-08, 02:03 PM
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#3
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New Jack
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IP: 15D3 63C9
This is a truly innovative writing. The emotion that you brought forth throughout this piece reflects the high quality of writing that you capable of producing. I felt that the detail and word usage were brought together very well...
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LPMNDCTE The B.E.S.T. Crew .................. |
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06-09-08, 02:51 PM
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#4
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don't try.
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IP: 3240 794D
Thanks for the feed LP. Its much appreciated dude.
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Fear |
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06-09-08, 09:16 PM
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#5
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Whys That?
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IP: 651E B56A
Links or this will be closed, I will leave feed after you drop links.
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06-11-08, 10:57 PM
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#6
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Semper Fi
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IP: ADE9 81EA
dang...you pretty amazing. Everything was on point, vocab, story, concept, wording...I can see no flaws. Looks like you put a decent amount of time in this...I really like this...Keep up the good work man.
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 Project List The Classick Mixtape Vol (8/18) Age Of Consent Mixtape Vol 1(16/16) The Classick Album(2/16) S&S Express E.P.(1/10) Lot of back to back shit. Stay tuned. |
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06-11-08, 11:13 PM
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#7
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Whys That?
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IP: B402 1FAD
Open mic of the month, solid work. Keep dropping.
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06-16-08, 12:18 PM
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#8
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Peace, Love, Unity
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IP: 9244 687A
Goood shit. Nice multi's thrown in, good vocab and imagery. Written pretty well. It was good enough to keep me reading through the whole thing. Overall, a killer piece. Hope to see more from you.
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 88 miles per hour should do it. |
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