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Checking in this..

Checkin in.....

Break the routine.

Day in and day out, my duty calls upon all my strength..
A vigorous routine leaves my outlook on life stretched..

Saving lives, a gruelling & adrenaline pumping task to commit yourselve to..
Especially pronouncing to grieving families their loved one didn't come through..
You get the screams of anguish, rampaging through halls, the pounding of fists..
Sometimes the sight of another person coping with pain, urges me to spill my wrists..
But I've see enough claret, I wouldn't want my son, or daughter seeing my corpse..
Or growing up without me, even in the calmest winds I wouldn't be able to handle the thought..
The sirens shouting, casualties wheezing, coughing, & writhing with agony in the back..
Of the ambulance, but this victim seems to be different hes calling my name "Jack"..
"C-Come to..to me". So I do as he says and I tend to his needs, & dampen his cuts..
He knew he didn't have much time left, and yet I thought he hadn't asked for much..
Which was to bid farewell to his kids, so I felt for him as I was thinking the same before..
Arms dangling, scraping the ambulance floor. I managed to haul him up & walk to the door..
His kids answered, their faces struck with horror as their father reached out to them..
I sat him on the porch, & left him with his kids, as the love between them stemmed..
They hugged, tears crept and snuck out the corner of my eye, but the kids screamed..
Their dad had slipped past the light at the end of the tunnel, for his spirit had been freed..
His slumped remains reminded me of my job, I snapped out the parental state of mind..
It's my fault, if I followed procedures there might of been a slight chance he survived..
Saving people fulfilling God's job with less power, unreliable I'd been deemed..
& that was the one fatal fault in my life, for a break in the routine..

ok wow both of u did a good job on this very good but indeph was way better at vocabulary, creativity and structure but good job to both all u did a good job but i was feeling more indeph piece was better but good job ok

v//indeph

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1ndeph: beautiful piece in my opinion, I love how you approached the topic that was given. Emotion was without a doubt the most powerful aspect of your piece, it was so raw and pure. Imagery was there too of course, it was like watching a movie in different scenes. Story developed nicely, kept the reader focussed. Flow was good, vocab was on point and structure was nice with the division into different parts.

Phorge: your piece had a real poetic vibe over it actually, lines were stretched so the flow wasn't really there. The vocab was excellent, story developed nicely even though your structure sometimes made it hard to follow. Imagery was nice but the emotion was strongest of course, I love your approach of the topic and why the person broke the routine. A nice piece!

My vote goes to 1ndeph because I got more a topical feeling of his, other than that both pieces were at a very high level. Props!

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wow, this was one hell of a battle
the vocab was superb as was the imagery
my vote got to indeph because i was feeling his verse a lil bit more but Phorge yours was really hot too. keep it up

DAMN DAMN DAMN

Indeph won but DAMN

Both had real good imagery in da peice, concepts & schemes were flawless frum each ov u, i feel NDEPHZ PEICE HAD A LITTLE MORE EMOTION & DA ORDING OV HIS LINES WUZ A GOOD READ WITH LOTZ OVCREATIVITY

Phorge ur peice wuzflawless mayn, everythin wuz good frum u, Indeph got u on a emotional syde ov da attle, but again ur imagery wuz damn near outstandin

I am sorry 2 actually vote against Phorge bcuz ov da verse he had, but there has 2 be a winner so Indeph getz da vote

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